Ask QC: First Time Tie Up
Dear QC,
I'm 24 years old and have been with my current partner for 2 years. Our sex life has been great, so far, but I want to spice it up and keep it exciting and fresh. We regularly fuck (both versatile) and have done it pretty much in every area of our home and at different times of the day as and when!
I was thinking about tying up my partner and edging him or fucking him, but I want to make this exciting and a surprise rather than a sort of calculated thing. Not having tried bondage before, I actually wondered whether this would be too much of a shock/surprise for my partner or is it even considered rape (for example) if I haven't discussed it with him first.
Like I say we have been together for 2 years (and actually known each other for longer than that), but will I be doing anything really wrong if I make this a surprise in the bedroom or do you think I should discuss it first with him? My feeling is that this will ruin the element of surprise and take away the spontaneity and excitement of it, but I'm a bit concerned if he freaked out over it.
Has anyone done this before and any suggestions?
Kyle.
What advice would you give Kyle, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.
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5
QC Chinese
Reader Comments
Your 2¢, in chronological order — add your comment below.
You should definitely discuss it with your partner first. Kink and edge play needs rules and mutual consent. Do you two have a safeword? If not, do not pass go.
If this has been on your mind then why should it be news to your partner? Why ask a whole cyberspace of strangers when you haven't asked your sig other? If 500 cyberdenizens respond that you should just tie him up and launch into full B&D theatrics without ruining the surprise by clearing it with him first, and what he says is: "No, this will never fly. Untie me, then hand me the phone so I can call my lawyer." Then whose answer really answers your question?
Three words: Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Everything done in terms of kink play revolves around these three words.
If you have never done bondage before, then you are not aware how to tie someone up safely. Even a small amount of excess pressure in the right spot can permanently damage a major nerve or cause serious bruising.
Your partner may have a phobia of restraints that he's never mentioned to you, since you haven't discussed it. At one point during a bondage demonstration, I had been secured to a table, and while my top was securing my feet, another person involved in the demonstration put a hood on me, triggering my claustrophobia. My top had the hood off me less than ten seconds after it went on, and the restraints were off within a minute, but the panic attack didn't stop for a good half hour.
Finally comes consent. Informed consent is a right. If you have not received informed consent before performing any BDSM act on someone, then you are assaulting the person. Whether they charge you or not, that's what you've done.
ALWAYS get consent. discuss it with him. but express to him that you won't to do it spontaneously, and have it be a bit of suprise: so get permission to do it, but maybe agree that you wont tell him when.
you can also use the keywords: green, yellow, red. green, keep going. yellow, slow down a bit. red - STOP!
Show him an EDGE video from Chaosmen... and tell him 'Let's Try That' ...
The surprise will be whether you suck his dick, ass or balls 1st and in what order. "No visual clues"
Do not be lying in the bed when he comes home from work, dressed in full RamRod drag with a bullwhip and shout "SURPRISE".
In addition to the above sane & safe comments, if this is a treat you want to give your boyfriend, LET HIM TIE YOU UP FIRST! There is no better way to foster trust than to initiate it.
You can find out his interest in bondage play by checking out some good lite bondage titles (not the sissy-leather stuff from Falcon, but some good tickling titles and light spanking stuff).