Ask QC: Fantasies of a Group Grope
Dear QC,
I'm happily partnered, have been for the last 6 years and I would say we have a very healthy and regular sex life.
The reason I'm writing in is because I recently started having these fantasies about being groped in a mass orgy of men. And I'm not just talking about occasional dreams either. These fantasies appear when I'm at work, on the train, in the street, shopping, etc and pretty much everywhere and all the time too!
I just wondered if this is OK, too weird, just a phase or does these mean that I am lacking something sexually? Does this actually mean that in order to be fulfilled I need to act on these fantasies and start going out for group sex? With being in a monogamous relationship I'm not sure how to approach my partner about this without him being upset about it, any ideas?
SF.
Do any of you have compelling fantasies like this? Did it just last for a while and what advice would you give SF, dear QC readers? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.
Have a question for QC? Send 'em to ask@queerclick.com and we'll do our best to solve your problems!
5
QC Asians
Reader Comments
Your 2¢, in chronological order — add your comment below.
Hey Sugarpie,
Unless you're the hottest thing in the room, orgies rarely involve group groping. If you haven't been in an orgy, most of the time people pair off and occasionally grope whatever comes near. If there's a particularly hot guy in the room, a few people will jump on him. Fact of the matter: everyone wants some main action, so it is rarely a writhing snakepit of guys crawling around. Orgies are also a great way to acquire shared STDs. If you want to risk bringing home some "take-away," and risk your primary relationship for an experience that may not live up to your fantasies, go ahead.
Think how you might feel if your happy partner approached you about fulfilling his fantasies with someone else. If your relationship entails more than just sex, stick with the man who makes you happy.
SF,
It depends, would you want to participate in one? If you and your partners are rationally sensible then it would make sense if he helped you fulfill this fantasy.
But since I cannot further evaluate your psychological point of view, I would just say that there's nothing wrong with fantasizing. I fantasize about so many things everyday and I don't see anything wrong with it. Unless it's affecting you in a negative way I mean. As long as you don't act on them, it's fine, but if you feel the need to act up on them, I would suggest two things. One, if your partner is open to it, then maybe you should consider doing it (carefully, of course). Two, direct the energy elsewhere. One thing I've learned from experience is that fantasies are always so much better in the mind. When it actually comes true, it's not as pleasant or what you hoped it would be. Just keep fantasizing, go masturbate on it if you have to.
Just remember that it's nothing weird and you're no different than any other person. Most won't admit it but just about every other person has some weird, freaky fantasy that they, well, fantasize about. You're not alone in this one.
If it gets bad though, like if it starts interfering with your daily life in a negative way, I would suggest seeing a therapist/psychologist.
I don't find that too weird. After being on the internet for a while, a fantasy like that is almost innocent.
I would do some soul searching and see if there is an underlying issue. I hope that you and your partner have a honest enough relationship that sharing a fantasy, that you wouldn't likely act on, would be detrimental to your situation. you should be allowed to be yourself in your relationship.
My partner and I participate in orgy parties on regular basis. If this is a craving you both share, it's recommended. if your partner has second thoughts about it, let it remain a fantasy. nothing wrong with that . . .