There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
...and then everything else happened
I suppose I should have seen it coming. Everything was as it should have been, Jeanine was finishing the baking and the housekeeping; and for the first time in history, I believe everyone had managed to reply. We were expecting over thirty people for an evening of holiday cheer, something our house needed desperately. Jeanine and I were not quite on the same wavelength anymore, and there was no easy way to remedy the situation. Things were shifting, glacially, toward disintegration…and we both knew it. I wish I could say I saw an easy fix, but I didn’t. I wasn’t even sure that our marriage, our union was what I desired anymore.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
the degrees of separation
They were scattered about the country as if God had thrown them like dice. And, it seemed, for awhile, as if none of them would ever find home again.
a few degrees of Marcus...
Connecticut Avenue sprawled out for blocks in front of him, as it did every night on his walk home from work. He’d take the metro to the Dupont Circle stop, and he’d walk the rest of the way. Tonight, the stars were sprinkled across the winter sky, brilliant and winking. He’d thought it strange to see the stars so well in the city. He couldn’t ever remember seeing them here. But, there were many things he hadn’t noticed in the months since he’d moved there, in the months his brother had been found dead in Los Angeles, a victim of depression, asphyxiated.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
a lake in the woods
He didn’t know why it hit him just then, but Ben remembered it like he was back there, back in high school and pining. His stomach felt like it did then, knotty and tight, like he would vomit his affection for the entire world to see; and he could think of nothing more horrifying.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
pas de deux
Corey was looking backwards, maybe for the first time in his life; he was considering the choices he’d made, wondering if it made any difference at all. He often thought not. But today, sitting in a holding cell in the county court house, there was nothing to do but consider. He’d been sitting in the little mint green room for six hours, since he’d been processed and booked. There was little left to do but make the telephone call to his friend David, and to wait to make his appearance in court.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
and the rain quietly stopped
The unit sat empty for four months. The windows remained dark and lifeless, much like they did when Braden lived in those rooms. Everything remained as he’d left it. The furnishings and accessories were all there, it was all for sale, and it was better that way. Better to say goodbye to all of the old belongings, the old way of living. He was in a new life now. A life where there was no use for chrome and stainless steel. A life where there was warmth and light. He would not decorate his new home to reflect the month of November.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
two houses
No one would take note of the orderly row of townhouses which had sprung out of fallow fields of urban blight, disrespect and hopelessness. Where once there were working-class homes and yards and porches, there came the demolition machines, and years, if not decades, of emptiness. Lots plowed under by the city, barely leveled so that one could still make out the outline of the house, and the sinking earth where once stood foundation and cellar. In these times, grasses and wildflowers grew in season, inviting butterflies and birds to alight there. There were grasses and buttercups and dandelions.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Into the wonder
Ben was tired of feeling emotionally injured. Things never seemed to work out. If there was hope, it always seemed dashed in the end, usually with some bizarre twist. Like an episode of The Twilight Zone, complete with Rod Serling narration, Ben watched his life unfold with a sense of fascination and horror.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
if I was the one you chose
For Marcus, nothing seemed to matter anymore. He was listless and indecisive and unsure. From outside glances, his life looked perfect, ideal. To Marcus, it was far from that. His life had become complicated and mundane. His work, no longer a source of stimulation or interest, slipped into neutral. He coasted on his own knowledge equity, relying on his good relationships with vendors and customers. He lived in the ether, floating from meeting to meeting, not quite in a fog, but disillusioned in a cloud of his own despair.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
a stranger in the house
He was driving in the dark.
There was nowhere else to go but here, into the dark, into the unknown. Corey hated surprises, especially in his new career. He’d been hired to make an appearance way out east, in Claydon, beyond the county line, beyond the sensibilities of anyone mildly urbane. The drive had reached almost forty minutes as he pulled onto Route 44 somewhere in the middle of Crestwood County, somewhere literally in the middle of the dark. There were no streetlights and not even reflector plates running down the centerline. Corey watched the road ahead with intensity, almost the same intensity of learning new choreography or learning the movements of his johns.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Towson melancholy
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had, but it was something he felt he needed to do, and this, quite honestly, was his best opportunity. It had been months since he’d seen Adam, months since he’d set foot in Baltimore. The fact is, and few people ever knew, Ben did go back. Once.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
sans souci (without concern)
Braden returned from Charleston with a mild sunburn and a quiet understanding about love. For once, it finally made sense. His brief encounter with Thomas made him think differently and feel differently. It was nothing like the endless parade of twinks and club boys in and out of his condo. He’d thought love was sentimental and ridiculous and unattainable. But, then there was Thomas, perfect and lovely in every way.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
burnt
Ben paled as he thought about life after Adam. Somehow, in his core, he knew it would be a very long while before they saw each other again – let alone, actually spoke to one another. It was as if the magic had suddenly run out, completely and without fault.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
you only get what you give
Jeanine was furious, Daniel arriving home shortly after nine that evening. Where the hell had he been and why hadn’t he the courtesy to call? These were the two questions thrust at him with rapid-fire repetition until he could do nothing else but lie. Lie hard and fast to get her to shut up. At least for now.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
someday we’ll know
Marcus, circa 1994.
He’d graduated in the top fifth percentile of the class, beating out almost all the well-established Southern legacy students with names like Thurman, Burwell, Lee and Marshall. He’d managed to navigate the treacherous maze of academia and politics without even outing himself. In the South, even on a college campus, being gay was not anything to wave a flag about…or have a parade. Or even say out loud. No, Marcus had managed to survive four brutal years, four incredibly challenging and stimulating years at the nation’s oldest institution of higher learning.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
cold december flies away...
Daniel could not stop kissing him. For as much as he tried, he could not control what burned inside him...a long, hateful volcano of madness, destruction and passion...welling up within him until there was no other option. He'd seen the kid in and out of Braden's condo recently, just one in a line of many over the past few months. They's never seemed real, before...not human, certainly. And yet, here he was with his tongue in its mouth. It was both repulsive and thrilling.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Goodbye, Baltimore
Ben hated saying goodbye. Forever it seemed. From the time he was twelve and Robbie left for Omaha, he'd learned to hate goodbyes, learned to hate the ebb and flow of people in and out of his life. Of course, there was no remedy. The more people he accumulated as friends and lovers, the more he said the word, two wrenching syllables that changed lives, the more he hated the final glance backwards, over the shoulder...the fading steps away.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Spark
Ben accelerated the speed on the treadmill. Watching Marcus had become the focal point of his workouts lately, and when he wasn't actually with Marcus, he'd fantasized about seeing him there. Watching him lift weights or run a six minute mile or smile back at him. It was so complicated, living next door to the perfect guy, the one guy he'd wanted in more than a year.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Company Class
It was rainy and the type of horrible November morning he'd come to hate - intensely. Between the coffee fix that didn't work anymore and his inability to purchase the chemical enhancements which helped him deal with the day to day, Corey managed to stumble into the bathroom to ready for the day of rehearsals and the opening performance of Romeo and Juliet.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Disposable
It wasn't enough that Scotty left in a fit of tears this morning, but Braden somehow needed to tell Kyle it was time to go, too. He'd been seeing both of them on and off for a month, and things were getting a little too tight for Braden's taste. Too many close calls. Too many near misses. He dialed the phone, and when Kyle answered, Braden simply said "Come over" and disconnected.
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There were five of them in the row of townhouses, and underneath the sheen of public normalcy and personal success lived the gaping damage within.
Marcus & Ben
Marcus was, at first glance, the complete picture of fitness and masculinity. He was tall, well-muscled and lean. His thick chestnut hair was cropped short. He could dazzle anyone with a flash of his brilliant white smile and twinkle of his exotic green eyes. He was very social, played rugby and soccer in the fall, basketball in the winter and baseball all spring and summer. He was aggressive and competitive in nature, but not at all disliked.
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Written 27.Sep.05 / Comments (4)
