It’s official: NOW WE’VE SEEN EVERYTHING!

Where do we start with this one? We thought we’d seen everything… apparently not!!

We’re not trying to push a product here, but we are laughing heartily at the way Pepto-Bismol is pushing theirs on the web these days. It sounds funny just saying it: The Bepto-Bismol Dance Machine! http://www.pepto-bismol.com/

It’s indigestion meets hoedown meets Broadway meets camp (as in kitsch, not boy scouts)… all with a gay sensibility slathered on top like pink frosting. We’re guessing some queer in the advertising department got the chance of a lifetime to hock diarrhea relief with dancing… and boy did she run with it (get it?… “run”… never mind).

As we said, it’s all so queer! When you’re in the “dance machine” you have several choices to make. Pick your dancers. Obviously, skip the frump-a-saurus in the nurse fatigues and pick the boys… sorta sexy stereotypical cowboy guy and raise the roof office guy. And you have to pick where they’ll be dancing: the gym, the park, the office, the street corner. (It asks such made-for-gays questions as, “What would you do at the gym?” and “What would you do at the park?”)

Once the scene is set, you learn each digestive ailment and it’s corresponding dance move: nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea. The most hilarious… and you’ll see why if you try “the machine”… is the diarrhea move. Who knew there was an international gesture for diarrheal distress?

After you have your moves down, you choreograph the dance. (See? Told ya… totally queer.) You pick which moves and in what order. Personally, 4-5-4-5-5, “upset stomach” alternating with “diarrhea”, made the most coffee spurt out our noses in laughter.

So there you go. Now that all of us have seen it all, all we can do is wait patiently for the Rapture, or Jesus on a white horse or whatever. But until everybody else catches up to us, at least we’ll have a way to dance our nausea away!!

Signing off… Click Click! (Of course those were Queer Clicks… whadidya think?)