Mom lets you in on the “true” carols!
Okay – how many of you realize that the only reason you’re holding it together at all this Holiday season is because of some fantabulous medications that keep you “level-headed“, “in good spirits” or “in state of cool and calm“? I have to admit that most of my “Holiday Cheer” is the by-product of some very potent Anti-Depressants, Anti-Anxiety and Mood Enhancers that have been prescribed to me. Yes – this is the age of “happiness in a bottle“.
But let’s be honest – wouldn’t you rather have us just a tad ‘doped up’and happy than bitter, vengeful and spending each waking moment finding fault and something to bitch about? I know that the people around me – including the rare actual family member I have contact with – are ecstatic about my “controlled” demeanor.
Wouldn’t it be fun if we took everyone’s neurosis and applied it to a well known Holiday songs? Let’s see what we come up with, shall we?
Agoraphobia: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House
Amnesia: I Don’t Know If I’ll Be Home For Christmas
Autistic: Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock, etc. etc. Once Every Hour Forever.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Me Roasting on an Open Fire
Full Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, and I Won’t Tell You Why!.
Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and anything else that doesn’t move in my path with decorations that will dazzle everyone.
Multiple Personality Disorder: We Are Three Queens Just Look At Us – Wow!
Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing about me, Me, ME!
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, and on and on and on – you get the idea…
Oppositional Defiant Disorder: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus…. So I Burned Down the House
Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, I’ll Tell You Why – It is all Because of YOU!
Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
Senile Dementia: Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe, now who am I?
Social Anxiety Disorder: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
May you and yours have a very Happy Holiday Season – despite all the pitfalls that a family gathering can bring to the surface!
M’wah – M.
