Ask QC: How Do I Tell My Dad That My “Uncle” Raped Me?

Dear QueerClick,

When I was in my mid-teens, I used to spend much of my summer vacation with my father and his good friend, John or (Uncle John as I called him), on John’s ranch in west Texas. I always had a huge crush on John. I found him very handsome, rugged, and extremely masculine. My father was oblivious about my infatuation, but John was very well aware of my crush. He teased and taunted me behind my father’s back and was extremely “friendly” with me when my father wasn’t around. I rarely resisted. I even enjoyed the attention I was receiving from the very man I lusted after.

My lust became a reality when John allowed me to go down on him one summer. I was consciously aware of the fact that I was a teenager having oral sex with a man my father’s age. In fact, I much welcomed it. Part of the thrill was getting caught with an older man twice my age.

I loved visiting Uncle John every summer. However, things turned sour one summer when John went beyond my limits and molested me without my consent. What was worse was he guilted me into believing it was what I really wanted. I was in such lust that I allowed him to continue molesting me despite the pain and discomfort I felt from the experience. What was once pleasurable, became a nightmare. It wasn’t until years later that I finally came to terms with the fact that he raped me.

Fortunately for me, John and my father had a falling out after that summer and I never saw John again. In the 15 summer since that one, my father remarried and I became a stepbrother to two boys who are now 13 and 14.

Somehow, to my disbelief, Uncle John has come back into the picture and I just found out my father wants to take the boys to spend the summer at the ranch. My brothers are very excited and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want either of the boys to have to go through what I did. I’m also concerned because I believe the 13-year-old is gay and I fear he might fall for John’s charm. I definitely do not want to have this happen yet I don’t know how to get everyone to change their minds without rehashing the memories.

Do I tell my father, after 15 years of silence, what that man did to me? We’ve had a very stressful relationship since I came out so I fear he might not even listen or think I’m telling him lies. I don’t have much of a relationship with my stepmother either so I’m not sure what to do.

It took me long enough to move past this ordeal. I don’t want to drag the whole thing out again but will if it’s the only resort. How do I get them to listen to me?

I would love some advice on how I may be able to get my father to reconsider and have his family find something else to do this summer without bringing too much drama to the table. If your readers have had similar experiences, I would love some advice.

Thanks,
Sean

Sean really needs our help to potentially save his stepbrother. What’s the best way for him to proceed without alienating himself from his dad or completely reopening his painful past? If you have any helpful experiences or opinions to offer, please share them in the comments section.
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