Ask QC: I Don’t Want Being Asian & Closeted To Box Me In!

Dear QC readers:

I’m am an Asian 19-year-old college student at a large midwestern university. Physically, I’m not very tall (a few inches over 5 feet), wear glasses, and look slim/average in regular clothes (toned/fit without a shirt ). I tend to come off as quiet and smart most of the time; it’s just the way I am. However, my sexuality places additional pressure on me to inhibit who I am and as a result, I don’t truly let people get to know me. I have been fine with appearing as the smart, shy, cute, kind of boring, Asian nonsexual person in the past, but now I’m tired of being “alone” and viewed as nonsexual. My problem is that due to hiding a part of who I am, I am not meeting new people—both gay and straight.

In the predominantly white university, I know I am at a “disadvantage”. Although I dislike sweeping generalizations, but white people hang out with white people, Asians with Asians, blacks with blacks, Latinos…etc. As a minority within the gay community, it is apparent how attraction can be deeply tied to race. Few people conscientiously choose to be racist, but it’s hard to get away from what you may be used to.

My questions to the community are: Am I destined to be alone as long as I am in the closet? (I’m Asian and Catholic, so the family aspect and religion are a part of why I am not out)

How do you overcome the racial barriers in both the gay community and straight community?

How do I change my nonsexual image? (I know I could probably beef up a bit, but I don’t want to be a person who solely focuses on a person’s physical appearance–my own and others)

How do you present yourself to others while hiding an important detail about who you are?

-Kevin

Kevin’s a younger guy so it makes sense that he’s coming to terms with issues of self-image, sexuality, and social pressures now. But how can he can branch out and meet new sorts of people without disclosing his sexual identity to everyone? Can he meet someone special and friends of other races without letting his ethnicity and the closet get in his way? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments.
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