PataPORN With Chinpoko
An oil spill in the Gulf, volcanoes erupting, and pleated pants making a comeback. Ah, there’s been some tragedies this month people…but NOTHING is going to stop me from giving you the porn you deserve. It’s time for PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!!
UK Naked Men: Photographing Foreskins
RATING OF 4 – FULLY ERECT
Foreskin alert! Foreskin alert!
UK Naked Men has just released a great how to video of how to suck uncut cock. Are you listening, Cody Cummings?
This boy Shane is obsessed with Leo’s extra inch of skin. Shane takes that foreskin and he licks it, sucks it, bites it, tickles it, and fucks it. PATA PATA!
Of course Leo’s in heaven. Who doesn’t love a good blowjob? Ahh, isn’t that the best? You know, when a fella’s so obsessed with your cock that they can’t stop sucking it. Ah, I tell you dear fans… there ain’t nothing better than some awesome head. Leo is a lucky lucky man.
Brent Corrigan Teaches You How To Fuck (With A Condom)
RATING OF 5 – CUMWORTHY
Ummm… this is the sexiest fucking PSA I’ve ever seen in my life.
You know, I think if they aired this commercial when I was a young cock in middle-school I would have never forgotten how to put a condom on—Brent Corrigan is just to darned hot.
Now Brent isn’t the first porn star to make a how-to video. Matthew Rush did the same, but this one with Brent is just sexier. Why? Well first of all Brent says “dick” and “ass”… whereas Matthew uses politically-correct terms. And also, this video shows Brent doing what Brent does best… fucking! MMMM. I love it when he takes off the condom and you can see his cock dripping with cum! PATA PATA! He makes it look SO easy!
You know, it is like Chi Chi LaRue says, SAFE SEX is the….HOTTEST POST OF THE WEEK!
Stag Homme: Xavi
RATING OF 4 – FULLY ERECT
Note from Editor D: I apologize everyone, but get ready… Chinpoko is about to start singing, like a black woman—which he is not. You might want to cover your ears. I know the whole QC office did.
It’s the thuggish ruggish bone! It’s the thuggish ruggish bone. It’s the thuggish ruggish boo-oohh-ohhh-oohhne!
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony had it right when they sang that song. Stag Homme has got the thuggish ruggish bone and this shit is dope! This idea is really amazing when you think of it; I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. Stag Homme has combined two great and forbiddingly hot things: thugs and sex in public.
This boy Xavi has about the thickest thug-pole I’ve seen in a long time, and you should see the way this bro blows a load. Oh, I only hope I can see him pop a cap in dat ass!
Editor D: Okay Chinpoko, we get it. You’re talking like a thug. You can stop now.
Chinpoko: Bitch please. Don’t be playin’ my balls or I’ll bounce yo’ ass to da door.
Editor D: Do you want your paycheck?
… … …
Mmm, well. Dear fans, I hope you have enjoyed this most enjoyable post of the thug life man. This concludes my review.
Sweet and Raw: Ronny Silver, Daniel Nikolaus and Miguel Diaz
FREAK OF THE WEEK
Sweet and Raw is putting out some new porn… that looks like it was filmed in 1992.
Seriously, I know these guys are European and everything, but come on fans. You know how I feel about bad hair. It’s not worth it. Stay away from the blonde GAY-lights. They will do you no favors. Can you hear me, all you twinks? Stay away.
I mean, yeah they have a threesome… and it’s a lil’ hot. But think, how much hotter would it be if they had hotter hair. Just sayin’.
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
QCA: Ross Watson Paints Francois Sagat, Marco Da Silva, and Matthew Mitcham – Christ on a Cross, Queer clickers!! Francois Sagat is taking one for the team!
Maskurbate: Ricky and his Jockstrap – You sooo have to see the muscle jock start his morning of the RIGHT way! PATA PATA!
Men Over 30: Alex Slater – Fuck Jake Gyllenhal. Alex Slater can be my Prince of Persia! Or maybe Prince of Pataporn!!!!
See?! I told you I’d bring you the porn you deserve. Do you feel inspired? Well you should; I know I am. Now get out there and get turned on!
