Ask QC: Should I Bareback With My Monogamous Boyfriend?
I have been dating the most wonderful man for the past 6 months. He’s kind, attentive, ambitious, thoughtful, attractive (to me) and most of all we share the same values, particularly in the monogamy department.
We took our relationship very slowly in the beginning and were very respectful of each others boundaries. We weren’t intimate for the first 2 months as we were getting to know each other and I also told him that I was celibate until I was in a real relationship. He obliged and that’s what got me. My past boyfriends weren’t so receptive to the idea so we either went our separate ways or I broke my own boundary and had sex with them to appease them, which would later make me feel like shit.
Fast forward into our relationship, I find myself having the greatest sex of my life. We’re both in our early 30’s and we just want to do it all the time. It’s a wonderful feeling.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were in the mood again and just as we were getting into a bit of action, he whispered in my ear that he’d love it if we could go bareback (if I was ready). I told him, not yet.
Here’s the thing, I’ve never had bareback sex. I guess it’s always been drilled in my head that if you’re going to have sex, protect yourself. My past boyfriends never had a problem with it and it’s not that I’m afraid that my boyfriend will reject me if I do insist on a condom.
Is barebacking “normal” in a gay relationship? Do I take the next step and have unprotected sex with the man I love or do we continue using condoms because of my hang up? I trust him and we’ve both discussed that an open relationship isn’t in the cards, but I’d like to know what others think before I make any kind of decision.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mike
One QC editor dated his boyfriend exclusively for a year and a half before they both went in to get tested so they could start barebacking. When he told the HIV clinician that he and his boyfriend were monogamous, the clinician rolled his eyes and said, “I’ve heard that one before.” What a dick! But maybe he had a point. Is it better to always wrap up your sausage or is it ever OK to serve it up raw (especially when the table only seats two)? Please share your comments, experience, and advice in the comments section.
