Ask QC: I’m Negative, Should I Date A Positive Guy?

I’m a 24-year-old and a few weeks ago I met a cute 27-year-old Derrick at a bar. We hit it off instantly—he’s handsome, funny, sweet, and physically just my type. We had made out a couple of times during our dates, but then one afternoon while hanging out I saw him take some pills and when I asked what for, he said “Actually, I’m HIV positive.”

I was surprised, but not hurt. We had only kissed and made out up to that point, nothing serious. I told him that I liked him, but that I’d need some time to think about it. I’ve heard of mixed-status couples who stay together without giving the virus to each other, but I’m not sure what I should do. Ideally, I’d like to date him and see how it goes, to get to know him as Derrick rather than “the guy with HIV.”

I already told my brother and he thinks I’m crazy to consider dating Derrick. He said there’s lots of fish in the sea and that dating a positive guy is just asking to get sick. Anyone no matter their status can become sick and I always have safe-sex but I’d be lying if I said I’m not afraid of possibly contracting HIV. I don’t know anyone else who is positive, though I assume I will eventually and I’d like to make an intelligent that’s the best for me.

Derrick said he’d understand my decision either way, but I could really use advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. Thanks!

Whether you’re positive or negative, HIV effects everyone. It sounds like our advice-seeker really likes Derrick, but wants to stay negative too. Right off the bat he should probably do some reading about mixed-status couples at The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource, but what would you do? Would you date Derrick or not? If so, how would you balance safety and conversation to make sure both men stay safe. If you wouldn’t date him, why shouldn’t Derrick and what should he do instead? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments section.
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