PataPORN With Chinpoko
I don’t know about you fine folks, but I’ve been up all night fucking. OK, not all night… maybe just about a couple of hours, but still… I am worn out! Yet because I love all of you (almost) as much as I love plugging boy-poon, I still managed to track down this week’s hottest porn finds and this week’s round-up includes Civil War sex, old-fashioned handjobs, and Keebler Elves! Wow! So grab your lover and some lube because it’s time for another PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!!!
New York Straight Men: Aaron and Tony
RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 – FULLY ERECT
Good job, NYSM. Your scenes used to feature an out-of-shape guy sucking a hot guy’s dick and those scenes always confused me—should I focus on the hot guy and just ignore his homely friend? Does that make me shallow? Am I just jealous?
All I want in a good scene is hot men and lots of cock. This time, NYSM delivers both. Now, it has its limitations, after all this is more of a mutual jerk-off than the long, sensuous suck scenes NYSM normally puts out. But both Aaron and Tony are furry, sexy, and have bodies that are nice to watch but not overly perfect.
And what’s best about is that they genuinely act like twohot guys who just wanted some hug and tug. They kiss, suck some dick, and when they start pumping each other’s cocks, you can tell how genuinely turned on they are by the way their bodies convulse with their eyes roll back into their heads.
It all ends with two very satisfying cum shots which just goes to show you don’t need a lot of fuss to make a hot jerk-off scene—just get two big-dicked men with a little sexual tension and viola! Cum!
UNIQUE: Furry, sexy, big-dicked guys get hard, throbbing, and leaking while jerking one another to completion. Not since college have mutual handjobs felt this good.
NOT SO CHIC: The guys spend a lot of time awkwardly jerking each other off while facing the camera. NYSM should stick to the floating cam and just let them at one another.
Southern Strokes: Haigan and Ricky
RATING: 2 OUT OF 5 – HALF-COCKED
Truth be told, I’ve never been a big fan of Southern Strokes. Not only do some of their models turn into homicidal maniacs but very few of them really get my blood rushing. Their latest scene features a hunky black bottom and a white military top with a big dick. Could I have been wrong about Southern Strokes all this time?
Sadly not.
Oh they have all the makings for a super sexy scene—Haigan begins by giving Ricky a sensuous massage, sliding his dick between Ricky’s ass cheeks. Good! Then Ricky sucks on Haigan’s beautiful uncut cock while Haigan fingers his sweet chocolate hole. Recipe for jism, am I right?
And then… and then… and then…!
I wanted their sex to be so awesome that it would resolve the south’s racially charged past, but instead of getting Gone With the Wind we end up with Different Strokes. The buildup fizzles out once they get to slapping skins. They do about five different positions, but Ricky barely gets hard, they hardly look at each other, and Haigen doesn’t really mix up his deep dicking to show how much he loves owning Ricky’s ass. The lack of chemistry actually left me feeling a little blue balled.
Maybe next time, Southern Strokes.
OH YES: Just look at Ricky and Haigan and tell me you wouldn’t fuck the southern accents right out of their mouths. So hunky!
OH NO: Their promising start comes to an unsatisfying end with Haigan pounding away and Ricky looking bored.
FREAK OF THE WEEK
Gemini Men: Michael Nolan
Have you ever wanted to fuck a Keebler Elf? Well then look no further than Gemini Men’s Michael Nolan. He’s a hot little whore, no doubt. But his digitally enhanced eyes and lips make him look like an animated tree nymph. It’s simultaneously cute and creepy, but he also looks like a good lay. Elves are probably magical in the sack and will give you all the cookies you want—double score!
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
Hot Japanese Model Ryo – Raise your hand if you wanna see a nicely built Japanese guy with a dick as thick as a sushi roll. BANZAI!!!
Lucas Kazan: Manuel Santos – Yeah he’s all muscled-out and smooth as a Ken doll, but this dirty-talkin’ Italian knows how bad you wanna sit on his cock, so just do it already… geez!
Taiwanese Exhibitionist – I don’t know who this hung, muscular Asian guy is, but he pops up often on QC Asians and pops a boner in my pants every time I see him.
Wow, reviewing all this hot porn was just like having several more hours of sex! I’m bushed, but hopefully I’ve gotten you excited for another great week of porn. So until next time… get out there and get turned on!