Ask QC: I’m Not Out, But I Want to Experiment with Guys

Dear Ask QC,

I am a Bisexual college freshman but I’ve never experimented with a guy before. No one knows that I’m also attracted to men because I’m still not ready to tell anyone, and frankly a lot of people are going to be surprised which scares me somewhat. My roommate in college is gay, and so are a few other guys on my hall, but, I don’t want any of them to know/find out! How can I experiment with another guy without anyone finding out? I really want to experiment with a more masculine guy, but would it be more difficult to do so? I’ve thought about confronting one of them but I don’t think I can trust them. What do you think I should do? Who should I talk to, or where should I go for some help?

Please help,

M.

Hi M. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. Coming out — and finding people to fool around with — can be particularly difficult to navigate, and it’s something that we all go through. I’ll mostly leave it to our readers to give advice, but I do want to say that there are gay and bi guys of every type, and tons of out, masculine men. So I don’t necessarily think you should associate coming out with being (or hooking up with) a particular kind of person. Plus, I think we’ve all got a “one time in college I messed around with a frat guy” story, which is really just to say that there are definitely ways of hooking up discreetly. So, QCitizens, what do you think? Have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? What advice can you give M?
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