Ask QC: What am I Doing Wrong?

Dear Ask QC,

I’m an out gay man in my 20s and I just moved to a major metropolitan city. I don’t have any problem meeting guys necessarily; I go out to the bars on occasion and have a lot of gay friends. The problem is, I don’t actually like many of the people I’m meeting this way. I hesitate to say that I disidentify with the whole mainstream gay scene, because I really have made some good friends since I moved here, but on the whole it seems really vacuous to me. I have a hard time finding anything real, whether it’s friends, dates, or even conversations with strangers. My impression has been that most people are geared toward telling me how awesome they/their job is and finding their next trick.

Obviously I’m oversimplifying and making pretty sizable judgements, but I guess I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong. Am I looking in the wrong places? Where else might I look? Maybe I’m approaching with the wrong mindset? It’s also worth noting that I’m not just looking for dates — though I am looking for dates — but also friends and just a genuine good night out that doesn’t feel quite so plastic. Help me, QC!

Thanks,

Friendz4Eva

Hi Friendz4Eva. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. This is probably a problem that many of us can identify with in one way or another. First, I wonder if you’re not putting too much stock in bars and clubs (does anyone really make friends there)? Plus, if clubs aren’t your thing, just go do something else. You’re most likely to meet the kinds of people you want to meet when you’re doing the kinds of things you want to do, right? What advice do you have, readers? What’s the best way to change the kinds of people that you’re meeting? Share your wisdom!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!