Ask QC: Why do I keep getting dumped?

Dear Ask QC,

I’m 25 years old, gay, have a good career, reasonably good looking (or so I’ve been told) and am totally ready to settle down with a guy for the rest of my life. I’m just not into going around having a lot of random sex with different guys that most of my peer group seem to be doing right now. I just want a good man to call my own and for us to be able to share our lives together.

I generally go for guys a little older (10+ years more) and I’ve never really been into any bar/club scene, I think I’m just a regular guy I guess and I want nothing more than a LTR in a monogamous relationship.

But the last two long terms I’ve had (2 years and 3 years) both ended where I got dumped and recently the last few dates with guys I’ve met through the Apps have ended with me being dumped too. Each time its been really upsetting for me and the only common reason I’ve been told is that they aren’t ready for settling down and they want something wilder and less permanent in their lives. But they only say this after we have dated a few times, most just want sex on the first date, which they aren’t going to get from me.

I accept the fact that (at least to some) I appear to still be a bit twinky and even a bit dull and not too exciting for them (I’m quite a serious guy), but I’m intelligent and thoughtful so I really can’t comprehend why I keep getting rejected like this all the time – its really getting me down. I believe I have so much to offer too, I’m kind, caring, loving, loyal, and love to look after my man, (especially in bed) so what is it that I am missing here?

But after this last guy dumped me I sat and cried for weeks at home, it was awful and only just a few good friends have been able to get me through this. I feel I’m ready to try again now but don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes, whatever they are. So am I choosing the wrong type of guy or what? Am I wrong to look for older guys, sorry but guys my age or younger just don’t interest me. What am I doing so wrong that I keep getting dumped, if anyone can shed some light on this I would be really thankful.

Love you guys at QC!

Thanks 🙂

John

Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. When it comes to matters of the heart, hopefully there are some here willing to share their thoughts and experiences with you. It’s difficult to predict how a relationship will develop and the reasons why people stay together or drift apart but perhaps some of our readers have some general pointers which might help you in the future. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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