PataPORN With Chinpoko!!!
Welcum back, my horny QueerClickers! I’ve returned with a jam-packed edition of my weekly porn round-up! This week, I have two sizzling sex-gems to share as well as a pocketful of laughs. So turn down the lights and bust out the socks and lube because it’s time for PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!!
Sean Cody: Randy and Ryder Bareback
RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 STARS – FULLY ERECT
Does anyone actually want to see Sean Cody models lift weights, play basketball or homoerotically throw a ball around before they fuck? The only benefits are that their athletic shorts clearly show their dongs and that they make grunting noises that remind us of actual fucking.
Thank goodness Sean Cody drops the “jock-bro” posturing and gets straight to the blowjays; Ryder’s cock-head already pointing above his waistband. Not gonna lie, Randy gets a “B” for cocksucking: his own large cock stays hard throughout and his mouth stays busy, he also tongue-worships Ryder’s balls and shaft, and even deep throats it for a hot second or two. But otherwise, he mostly sucks on just three or four inches — hardly a breathtaking performance.
Luckily he’s a far better bottom than he is a cocksucker. Ryder spreads open Randy’s hairy hole — giving it some sweet tongue-love while Randy moans — and then Ryder’s plump ass sticks it deep. Ryder has a big fuckin’ dick and he works Randy’s hole like a pro in two different positions until Randy’s cunt is a sweaty, lube-drenched pie. Randy cums hard.
But the scene’s not over yet, ladies!! Ryder keeps fucking Randy deep, grabbing his round, furry ass until he dumps a load deep inside him. They kiss, compliment each others and compare dicks.
Then Sean Cody has them lifting weights and arm wrestling again! Seriously, Sean??!! We just came! No one’s even watching at this point! We’re already back in our bathrooms cleaning the jizz off our bellies and keyboards. Save the athletics for Men’s Fitness magazine or whatever.
YEAH BRO – The sex sizzles. Both guys have big dicks and while there’s little kissing or foreplay, the moaning, connection and deep-dicking are to die for.
NO BRO – Stop with the needless workout segments. We get it — they’re muscular dudes who work out and are competitive. Sell that footage to a softcore network already.
Tim Tales: Tim and Diego
RATING: FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS – CUMWORTHY!
What can be said about Tim Kruger that hasn’t already been said by his large, girthy man-slammer? Diego goes right to work, sucking that dick like a starving cock-hound: throating and stroking it deep, adoring Tim’s tight nutsack, worshipping his pubes and moaning each time his filthy little bitch mouth gets off of it. God, Diego is a hot little suck-slut… and I LOVE IT!!! PATA, PATA, PATA!!!
When they get astride the teeny, tiny twin mattress, we see that Diego has a huge dick too! Not that it matters because within seconds Tim has his huge rod sunk deep between Diego’s muscular, tattooed bum. And his whore-anus is just as hungry as his slut-lips. Tim, as usual, gives his bottom a relentlessly deep and thorough fucking, and Diego’s ass shakes like two beautiful meaty balloons, jiggling just the way you’d want it to.
The men finally move to a king-sized bed (or is it QUEEN-sized?! This is GAY porn, after all), and Diego goes right back to sucking Tim’s engorged meat even though it just came out of his ass (ass-to-mouth, baybee)! Tim continues punching Diego’s caboose as he delivers a one-way ticket to Pound Town, and Diego moans like the perfect whore. At some point, it’s like Tim doesn’t even give a shit about Diego even being there, Diego is merely his meaty fuck-toy to ram as he pleases.
Tim starts to change up the pace by dicking Diego in two different positions that makes Diego’s tender hole feel every inch of his rod. Near the end, Tim fucks slower though just as deep, and Diego sploots a modest load onto his hand and flat abs. He then tweaks Tim’s nipple until Tim squeezes out teeny bit of splooge.
OH FUCK – Could these two men be any more perfect? Whether you like uncut, lean, furry guys or cut, muscular, smooth-bodied studs with tattoos, T and D got ya covered. And man is the sexy SLUTTY AS HELL!
OH FLUB – C’mon guys! Start drinking more water and working on the size of those cumshots! And don’t start using “stunt cum” like lotion, milk, or candle wax — we can tell! We demand huge loads — and we wants it now, our Precious.
FREAK OF THE WEEK
The Casting Room: Gary
It appears as if The Casting Room has snagged a video game celebrity for their latest jerk-off video! That shaggy blonde hair, those piercing blue eyes. that elvish grin and ears — why, it’s Link from The Legend of Zelda!
You’d think that collecting rupees and saving Princess Zelda from Lord Gannondorf would keep Link well-paid, but apparently saving the princess doesn’t set you for life. If it did, Link would never have had to remove his shield and armor and jerk off for a UK porn site — which reminds me, check out Link’s large Master Sword and his entrance to “Death Mountain” — yow! I hope they’re paying him in magic rings and ocarinas.
And did you get a load of Drake Jaden’s penis being dunked into a wine glass full of seltzer over at Men Over 30: Drake Jaden and Jake Jennings? It’s like the first picture in the post. Maybe Drake’s dong had cheese on it — what goes better with wine glasses than cheese logs? Or maybe his dick was thirsty. Or maybe this is how rich, older men do foreplay. I’m gonna go pour me a Perrier and find out how good it feels RIGHT NOW — ahhhhh, refreshing!
Lastly, have you seen Vic’s penis from Sean Cody? Most penises get compared to tube steaks, night sticks and assorted vipers. Vic’s penis on the other hand resembles a bowling pin or an oddly shaped energy drink. Hey, hey, hey! I’m not hatin’ just statin’. I’d drink the fuck out of Vic’s Red Bull.
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
Legend Men: Dick McKay – OMG! I’ve been jerking off to pics of Dick McKay since I was a teenage penis! To see him back and jerkin his huge meat to his own photos is a meta-wet-dream cum true!
Broke Straight Boys: JJ Masters And Tyler White Flip Fuck – Everyone wins when two cash-strapped straight boys fuck each other for money! Big dicks and pained expressions for all!!!
Raging Stallion: Brody Wilder and Trystan Bull – Trystan has a mad-crazy-sexy-beefy bod and a big ol’ dick to match. Brody just can’t get enough of his meat!
UK Naked Men: Tony Wilder – Mr. Wilder brings his wildest JO fantasy to you, cumplete with his long, snake-like dick and his hungry brown hole. It’s so slutty, it’s genius!
Australian Boys: Samuel – This kid is absolutely stunning. A nice lean, clipped body, a healthy butt and a big dick. And did I mention his absolutely angelic face?
Man oh man! Time flies when you’re eating cum! There was so much hot sex this week, that I need a dip in the pool to cool off. But there will probably be a bunch of sexy studs there, which’ll send me right back into porn mode. So while I change into a Brazilian swimsuit, why don’t you GET OUT THERE AND GET TURNED ON!
