PataPORN With Chinpoko!!!
It’s been one hell of a week, QueerClickers! And I’m not just talking about bearded drag queen Conchita Wurst winning Eurovision 2014 or the NFL’s first openly gay player getting drafted — I’m talking about all the great porn that I sifted through this week. Don’t get me wrong, it was a pleasure, but I’ve jerked off so much that I almost need a breather. ALMOST! But maybe later because now it’s time for PATAPORN WITH CHINPOKO!!!
Raging Stallion: Cockfight#1 – Shawn Wolfe and Landon Conrad
RATING: 5 OUT OF 5 STARS – CUMWORTHY!
Even though this is billed as a cock fight, you can pretty much tell who’s going to win, because at the start — after they kiss and immediately drop their jocks — Shawn gets on his knees and starts sucking Landon’s dick for five minutes straight. Landon loves humping Shawn’s hungry mouth with the fat base of his large throbbing cock.
But oh ho! Soon Landon’s on his knees sucking Shawn. Both men sport beards, great asses and some serious muscle — it’s incredibly hot. Plus, Landon and Shawn are very vocal (moaning and panting throughout) and they’ve got raw chemistry. By the time Landon gets on all fours to let Shawn start eating his ass, you’ll think the tables have turned.
When the fucking starts, man is it HOT!! PATA PATA PATA!!! Landon has an ass you can shelf books on with a sexy speedo tanline and sexcellent topping skills, serving up his long beercan dick nice and deep. Shawn takes it like a fuckin’ pro. His moans and tight hairy hole will have you edging.
Both guys have bush and plenty of fat dick to spare; they also keep their sneakers on, which is mega tasty. The camera angles let you see just how deep each one goes. While Landon rides Shawn’s pole, Shawn goes faster and harder the more turned-on Landon gets. Then after a bit, Landon can’t help but blast a load on his delicious abs. When Landon sucks Shawn to completion, Shawn licks it off of Landon’s beard and they SNOWBALL EACH OTHER!!!!! PATA PATA PATA! We definitely need more snowballing in porn.
I’d call this cock fight a draw, but you can vote for your favorite fucker at their website. I wonder who’ll end up on top — it’s a series I’ll definitely be watching.
FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY – This scene is fucking perfect. Fucking hot stuff.
STINK LIKE A BEE – Sure, Landon coulda eaten Shawn’s ass, and Shawn could have stayed hard while being drilled doggy style… but whatever.
Amateur College Sex: Jamie Toys With Zane
RATING: 3 OUT OF 5 STARS – AROUSED
Some of you are gonna hate me for reviewing “bisexual” porn, but anyone reading a gay porn site can’t stay mad at a dick for very long, so…
Zane’s got a hella-nice cock that gets thicker and more veiny the more Jamie sucks it. You can tell she digs “the d” because she sucks a mean one. Seriously, all you cocksuckers out there should take notes — girls knows her stuff. All you bottoms could take notes too because the girl takes a pounding, and Zane knows how to give it — you get a great shot of his butthole as his muscular ass pounds away on her tight cunt.
Soon Zane finds himself on the recieving end as his cute hairless ass swallows the big, orange, jelly dick that Jamie slides up his backside. He doesn’t squirm or resist or anything, he just keeps jerking it while Jamie sinks it in long and deep. Watching him moan as he strokes his meat is a pleasure in itself.
By the time he blows a load on his hot tattooed body, you won’t care who made him cum, only that he came and came hard. Plus, as far as chicks go, Jamie is a hot one. She’s got perky titties, great hair and sweet pussy that Zane can’t help but eat. Yeah, it’s “straight” but watching him get off will still make you feel pretty damned gay.
BI-SERIOUS – Zane’s muscular body, bubble butt and thick, veiny dick are hella fun to watch. It’s like spying on a straight dude’s bedroom!
BI-FURIOUS – The chemistry could be better, and Zane goes from hard to halfway when Jamie starts using the dildo on him. Still hot though.
FREAK OF THE WEEK
Bulldog Pit: Justin Blake and Darius Ferdynand
You know what’s scarier than having being tied-up, gagged and fucked by a stranger? Being tied-up, gagged and fucked by a stranger wearing a clown mask! Seriously, this isn’t Cirque du Soleil! Take off the mask, Bozo! Are you trying to give me bad (wet) dreams?
I’m won’t mention whats-his-name (cough, cough… John Wayne Gacy), but I will say, that even with his great pecs and long uncut schlong, Darius is creeping the hell out of me with that mask of his. At least it’s not like this one scene I once saw where both twinks wore white clown makeup that came off on each other’s dicks — now that was MEGA-SCARY!!!
Also, real quick, regarding Cocky Boys: Colby Keller Drills Pierre Fitch: I’m glad Pierre is so happy to get fucked by Colby, but seriously, someone get that boy a ball-gag. Sometimes no words are the best dirty talk, nes pas Pierre?
CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
Maskurbate: Calvin – Even Calvin’s mysterious mask can’t hide his divinely muscular bod or his curved, juicy, uncut cock.
Tim Tales: Drew Brodie and Jonny Kingdom – When cock-hungry white boy bottoms take on forearm-sized black man-dicks, we all win.
Falcon Studios: Jimmy Durano, Luke Milan and Angel Rock – There’s a swordfight in Luke Milan’s mouth and everyone’s invited — Jimmy and Angel swashbuckle the fuck out of Luke’s sweet hungry mouth; Luke’s got quite a sword too, PATA!
All American Heroes: Miles – Miles goes the distance (see what I did there?) with an increasingly large array of butt-toys and a geyser-spurting cum shot that you’ll have to see to believe!
Guybone: Lance Tops Ryan – Two cute and bearded otters kiss, rim, suck, and fuck — you’ll like it, I promise.
Another week has flown by like that, my dearies. But don’t you worry. I’ll be back here reviewing next week’s flicks before you know it. Until then, enjoy the great news and GET OUT THERE AND GET TURNED ON!!!
