Ask QC: Is our age gap too big?

Dear Ask QC,

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months that I met online, we both lied a little bit in our profiles about our ages; I’m 19 but told him I was 24 and he’s 39 but told me he was 34. So the lied about profile age gap of 10 years seemed to be OK. In fact I prefer older men and he prefers younger guys which is what we were both looking for.

The thing is, it came out that he was having a big party for his 40th, and thats when we both confessed our real ages. We had a laugh about it, but realistically now the age gap is actually more than 20 years I’m wondering if our age gap is too big?

I’m still living at home with my parents and not “out” yet, but he’s out with his family and at work. It was when I asked him if I could accompany him to visit his parents that got me thinking our age gap might be too much as he said he hasn’t told them about me and doesn’t know how to tell them about our age differences.

I’m getting pretty confused about the whole thing now, because I really like him, I know I’m falling in love with him and feel I could spend the rest of my life with him. Everything is great, we get along, have a lot of laughs and lots of great sex. I get a bit concerned that he pays for everything, yes he’s working and has a good job but I am still studying. I try to contribute but he won’t let me, tells me to wait until I’m working. So I get these messages that he wants to commit seriously to a long term relationship too but then I get confused when I think too far down the line about us both getting older.

If anyone knows if a long term relationship with this big age gap will work or is feasible I’d really like to know?

Thanks guys,

Beckett

Hi Beckett and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. There are many relationships with smaller / larger age differences than yours and to many, age is just a number; those different birth dates don’t matter and aren’t of major significance in those relationships. There are, of course, some physical, physiological and economic differences associated with age, of course, but then we aren’t all alike either, and sometimes it’s these differences that attract us and keep us together too. So, dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Beckett? Have you ever experienced or are currently in a long term relationship where there is such an age difference with your partner? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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