Ask QC: How do I get my friendship back?

Dear QC,

I’m really good friends with this guy whom I work with, and everyone had been thinking that we were more than just friends. From the way he treats me, his nuances when he talks to me, and even the physical contacts (which does not occur with anyone else), it led me, and others, to believe that he has a thing for me.

I never saw him as a potential partner when we first became friends, but as time went by and I saw what a great guy he was, it began to grow that we actually could have something beautiful together. Now, fast forward to today, I can’t figure out what to do…

He’s found out that I had fallen for him for a while now, but he’s never stopped me or confronted me about this. It really pissed me off when I found out, because he told my best friend he knows that “I love (him)” and for quite some time now, but the thing is he’s straight. Now this really confuses the heck out of me. Why would you continually ask me out alone when you refuse to address the elephant in the room? Why won’t you stop me, and instead keep fueling the fire? I have no problems remaining just friends with him, I just wanted to know what his stance was. But I’m not sure if he could now because he is so affected by it. It pains me to see him this sad and out of sorts over this, as a friend. We are, first and foremost, friends and I think he had lost sight of that.

Sure, I’ve had friends who were “straight”, but then they eventually came out as gay. Society and family pressures are often a huge impact in preventing people coming out. So I’m not sure what his stance is, because he always tried to avoid matters of the heart with me, even from the beginning. I’m not trying to build castles in the air and try to lie to myself that he isn’t what he claims to be, but how he deals with my feelings for him makes me think that maybe he is sexually straight but he has these confusing feelings towards me too. As what others have told me as well or maybe he is just so dense that he doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want to hurt me? But he needs to know that he can’t hurt me because I’m really not all that caught up, and I’m 100% happy with remaining as really good friends. I don’t know how to tell him without screwing up our friendship. It’s not ruined as yet, it’s frozen, and I don’t know how to proceed.

I would really appreciate some help and advice with this as it’s really difficult to know how to go forward with it.

P.S. He’s not homophobic and he’s clearly not creeped out by me liking him, but he can’t get over the fact that he can’t reciprocate my feelings. He’s been out of sorts and I hate to see him like that.

Thanks guys, LG

Hi LG and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. When it comes to matters of the heart with a friend (either straight or unsure of their sexuality) there are always going to be a few more complexities than with a regular date where sexuality has already been clearly defined. It sounds like you have a very open mind about the situation but are having difficulty in communicating your feelings with him and how best to bring up the topic with him too. So dear QC readers, if you’re able to help LG in any way with your thoughts, advice and experiences then please use the QComments section!

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