Ask QC: I can’t stop thinking about a ONS

Dear Ask QC,

I’m generally usually very reluctant to have One Night Stand’s and prefer dating/long term relationships, etc, but I recently came out of a LTR and really just needed some sex.

I’m 32 now, and previously had two long term relationships (6 years and 8 years) which both ended when our lives moved in different directions and we no longer felt compatible. In both cases our long term relationships ended amicably and we are still friends (even though we live in different cities)

So I’ve been looking for something stable, but needed some sex too and hooked up a few times online. Like I say, not usually into ONS but figured I needed some action.

The thing is I hooked up with one guy and it was amazing! Fucking was mind blowing – literally I haven’t had sex that hot before. This was one of my first hook ups since getting out of my last LTR and I made it clear to this guy it was a one off as I was already planning on meeting some other guys. It was sex, that’s all.

But the thing is I can’t get him out of my head – and I’ve been trying to contact him for a few weeks now but get no response. I know I also set those ground rules of a ONS but frankly I didn’t know it would affect me like this, I keep thinking back to that night we spent together and fucked for hours.

I know he’s reading my messages that I send him on WhatsApp and also FaceBook but he doesn’t get back to me – he’s also blocked me on Grindr too now, so is there anyway we could get together or am I just wasting my time or is this considered that I’m “stalking” him now? I don’t mean to stalk and am finding it hard to balance between contacting him when I know I really want it to go further than just that one night.

If you know anyway I could get an answer or move this forward then I’d appreciate it, thanks, Brett

Hi Brett and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Mind blowing sex is good, but on the basis of a ONS will there be any compatibility for a relationship? That’s something both you guys won’t ever know unless you meet up again but it does sound as though he is unsure how to respond to your messages. At the very least he doesn’t know how to tell you that he doesn’t want to meet up again or perhaps he is still only looking for ONS himself too? Have you changed your status from looking for ONS/Hook ups in favor of pursuing an LTR? Perhaps this is where the confusion lies? Or maybe he is just being rude/immature and can’t be bothered to contact you or reply? Some online behaviour seems that by ignoring someone they should get the “message” that they are not interested in you again, so it may well be that you will need to ask him this directly? So dear QC readers, what would you do in this situation? If you’re able to help Brett in any way with your thoughts and experiences please use the QComments section!

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