Ask QC: He lied about being a top

Dear Ask QC,

So I met a guy recently online and we got to chatting and arranged to hook up.

I’m bottom versatile and he said he was total top – so far so good.

Meet up at his place and get down to it, then he hands me a condom and says to fuck him, and I’m like what?

So, I’m thinking yeah OK I can do that, lubed him up and got into him and he’s like this screaming bottom, it was pretty wild but he came while I was fucking him and after I had cum too then he was like, he’s got work the next day and all so better I leave now and go home.

We’ve messaged a few times and all and I asked him outright so your profile says you’re top and that was all you talked about so are you top versatile or what and he then admitted he is a bottom but doesn’t like to put that on his profile.

To me thats more than a bit confusing, why would he do that, or anyone for that matter? He said he was embarrassed to show himself as a bottom (admittedly he is a very masculine and muscled guy) but still, I think its a bit fucked up – so my question is, are there more people out their lying that they are top or top/versatile when really they know they are total bottoms? Wouldn’t it be better to just both do what you enjoy, I know that we all have preferences and we need to identify this in a way so that we know we are compatible sexually but I think its just wrong to say one thing (such as being a top) and you’re not.

Kirk

Hi Kirk and thanks for writing in with your question. Giving ourselves or others labels can be a bit limiting, personally I believe that we should consciously dispel the myth of labelling ourselves as top/bottom/versatile/flexible/whatever. But here we are in 2015 and labels exist not just within the LGBTQ domain but generally in society as a whole. While identifying with a particular preference, group or fetish can be useful it would probably be a good idea in your dates case to either not label himself at all or to at least leave some ambiguity there and open to suggestion. He should then discuss with his dates what he likes to do/not do and, if it comes to it, his particular sexual preferences. So dear QC readers, do we use labels too freely and readily? Does this limit what our experiences and encounters may be otherwise? If you’d like to share your thoughts and experiences please do so in the QComments section!

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