Ask QC: When a bottom falls in love with a bottom

Dear Ask QC,

What do you do? Pray for a miracle? I’m so in love with this guy. He knows it and I think the feelings are mutual.

The only thing that concerns me is that he is a bottom, and so am I. But I know he thinks of me as a top.

I haven’t had the nerve to tell him that I’m not. I just don’t want to lose him, I’m so in love with this guy and I’m afraid that I won’t live up to his expectations in bed.

Sure, I can try to top him I guess, but I know I just don’t have it in me. Or will nature find a way to solve this issue? Something tells me that if you truly love someone, these things will solve themselves.

Can you help me?

Thanks, N.

Hi N and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. First and foremost congratulations of finding a guy that you love – the fact that he is so into you too is awesome! So now, to deal with the issue that you both identify as bottoms, at some point you will both discover this fact when you get it on in bed. And will this be a problem? It may not be as big an issue as you are thinking. Yes, you will have to discuss this with your partner at some point, but when it comes to sex, yes two bottoms can have a successful relationship and find ways to satisfy each other sexually. There are lot’s of options, kissing, cuddling, sucking, jerking, licking, nipples, lips and plenty of other erogenous zones to focus on other than just fucking. And you guys can always get inventive and use toys, etc if you are feeling a bit more adventurous. Suffice to say, not every gay couple are necessarily solely focused just on anal intercourse or even require or want it. So to dispel your worries in fact, two tops or two bottoms can have a successful and fulfilling relationship – it is possible. There is now a growing trend of guys who don’t identify solely with just one role or the other. In other words they don’t focus on being just top or just bottom, but identify either as both or as neither. That is progress for a lot of men in the gay community rather than focusing on just one aspect of a sexual role preference, they embrace the fact they are men who love other men – period. So dear QC readers, how would you help N? Have you been in this type of situation before? What did you do and how did you resolve it? If you can help him in anyway then please offer your advice and experiences in the QComments section.

Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!