The Art of Not Ghosting After Sex
So it was a Saturday night and you went out for a date you and this guy you spoke with on Tinder arranged weeks ago. You’re wearing your favorite clothes and perfume to impress the hell out of him. You spoke about a lot of things from your favorite Netflix show to his dream destination for his next vacation. You both ended up drunk and he brought you to his place. You remember placing your hand on top of his while he was controlling the gear shift. You woke up next to him recalling the greatest sex of your life. On your way home, you were all smiles holding your phone, texting him all praises you could give him about what you did the night before ending every sentence with a “smiling face with heart-shaped eyes” emoji. You finally got home, did your chores.
The day went on and you noticed he did not respond to your text. He even left it on “read“. You tried messaging him only to get no response. You tried calling him but it seemed like he already blocked you. You gave it another day, and another day, and another day. Unfortunately, your dream date already ghosted you.
That was horrible and this happens a lot to people. It sucks right? It’s sad that it needs to transpire but it’s also a lesson. Just want to clear the air and let you know that this is not to justify those “ghosts“. What they do is wrong but some of them just don’t know the proper way of telling how they really feel after the meet-up and the hookup. So if you’re like that, just remember some of these pointers.
1. DON’T LEAD PEOPLE ON
Bios on dating apps are important. It would not have been there if they weren’t. Don’t just be blinded by those sculpted torsos and pretty faces. You have to read bios to know what they are exactly up for. On the other hand, use this as your platform for self-campaign. We don’t wanna wind up with someone on the bed just later finding out that they are into serious relationships and you’re just merely trying to have a drunk sex. Tell the whole world what are you up to. Let them know if you’re into casual sex or you’re using the app for vanilla dates and stuff. If this is something that you’re not comfortable doing then you can entice them to send you a message privately. You might not want to mislead people who are looking for serious relationships into having a one night stand with you. It might open up a problem when they demand answers that you cannot really give instantaneously. Prevention is better than cure you guys.
2. THE GOLDEN RULE
In this age of sensitivity, you should still live by that famous mantra. “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.” kind of mantra. Ghosting hurts so bad but ghosting after sex might hurt worse. Be man enough to face the music that you have to tell the person you do not want to do it again with them.
3. ASK YOURSELF FOR THE REASON
It is important to identify the reason why you have to decline for the next sex-date. It’s pretty basic and the easiest to do. You can think of the things you that did not go well which made you think that a second sex is something you cannot give the other person. In this way, you can determine what went wrong. You might even realize that it wasn’t his fault but yours. Also, this gives you concrete answers just in case they asked you for the reason why you’re declining. Specific answers give relief to people who want to improve themselves by knowing their specific flaws.
4. ACCEPTANCE
You have to accept certain things. First, accept that there was really something off-putting that’s why you cannot repeat getting laid with him. Second, accept that it was not your fault if it was really the other person’s. How can it be your fault when he screams like a horse, scandalously shouting your name everytime you thrust? Accept that you might hurt him but he needs to know the truth that you’re not willing to do it anymore for some reason.
5. DON’T LEAVE THEM HANGING
Time shall come when you certainly need to make them face the truth. This may not be necessary if they do not even message you after the dirty deed. Pretty much, they may have already ghosted you right before you did so you might wanna share them this article. Lol. Anyway, so if they asked for another sex date, you should let them know that you’re turning them down this time. Do not leave them on “read” or “seen“. Mind you that some people with anxiety would rather choose to hear a negative response rather than perceiving a cliffhanger. If they asked why, let them know that you are about to tell them something that no one may not have told about them before. Ask permission if you can tell them what you did not really like about what you two did and say sorry in advance ’cause it might offend them. Again, only if drop that big question “Why?” shall you give the specific reason. If not, letting them know honestly would be a good closure. Different people read contexts differently.
I remember a friend who had not been getting a second sex with the same man after the first one. He was asking me why do those men even had to have sex with him before ghosting him. I told him he cannot ask me because only him and the other guy know why a sexual contact cannot be done again. So I instructed him that next time he’s gonna arrange a sex date, he needs to get an assurance from the guy that for him to get laid, the guy needs to be honest with what he did not like about sex if there would be any. The guy agreed. Luckily, the guy kept his promise and let my friend know what was the problem which my friend was brave enough to know. It was his excessive perspiration. My friend knew it was it all along but just needed a validation from someone so he sought medical help and found out he has hyperhidrosis due to hyperthyroidism. So what I’m really trying to say here is that knowing the truth can drastically help someone. It just needs to come from the right channel in the right way without offending people. The bottom line here is regardless if you’re looking for casual sex or not, let’s be nice to each other. But of course, if they’re creepy and you think they’re threatening your life in some way, go and just block them!
Have you had any experiences or difficulties with telling someone the truth about the not so pretty sexcapades you had with them? Have you ever ghosted before? Let us know in the comments below.
