Until one of the Super Mario Brothers comes out (Luigi’s always seemed curiously disinterested in Princess Peach), there’s a serious lack overtly gay video games. Luckily, some horny Flash wizards have put the following games together to tide you over and turn you on in the meanwhile… CRUISING ROOM: In this point-and-click adventure game, you navigate your character through a gay bar with the goal of getting 5 hook-ups (you slut!). It’s originally a European game, so some of the translations are a little funny, but there’s lots of dead-on humor and the action scenes are hot. Hint: Try starting with the kissing couple and be sure to save your last condom for the hunky bouncer. Stefanus De Kinky Keeper: Stefan Postma was that Dutch goal keeper who had a video leaked onto the internet of him getting fucked by his ex-girlfriend with a strap-on (good times!). This quick flash game mocks him. Just aim the heart-shaped cross hairs at his hungry hole as the keeper trolls from side to side. When the dildo speed-meter at the left fills up simply launch a love missile and score! It gets especially funny when you see all these pink dildos littering the soccer field. Hunkcraft: You’re looking to draw a naked dragon slayer. So naturally, you’ve come to the apartment of Natalie the artist and her ex-mercenary husband, Dorcas. Dorcas has graciously agreed to model for you, but you’ve got more on your mind than just painting. Can you convince the hunky model to strip down and jerk his dong to climax? You only have three chances and the man is moody… French Video Porn Game: Ever wanted to direct your own porn? Well, now you can! Have your actor suck some hot, hung cock in the shower. Have a dark skinned stud rim and fuck him rotten&mdash it’s your call! Once the game loads, simply click on the showers area (called douches in French, tee-hee) and after the intro scene, control the action by clicking on the images on the right. The orange bar indicate hotness level. When it tops out, money shots galore! If you get curious, the pool section is also worth checking out, though most of the other areas seem to be “en construction.”
Is that Jake Cruise‘s twin brother?
(Hat tip to our favorite Richie, who is going off to the Peace Corps for two years and won’t be able to look at porn. Our thoughts will be with you.)
List this under queer, but not gay…
Queen Victoria’s a pretty groovy chick, for a dead monarch. She became Queen of England at 18, married her cousin, Prince Albert (genital piercing, anyone?), and had men repeatedly try to shoot their loads onto her and accost her with sticks. Apparently, she also had a taste for crotchless underwear (as was the style in 1890).
Queeny’s 50-inch waist bloomers (she was 5 feet tall) sold for $9,000 to a Canadian this Wednesday. The 1890 pair of handmade knickers have the queen’s monogram on them&mdash “VR” or Victoria Regina&mdash and an open-crotch style with separate legs joined by a drawstring at the waist. They belonged to a family in western England whose ancestor was a lady-in-waiting for the queen.
Why anyone would pay $9000 for an old queen’s knickers is beyond us. We know some old queens who’d give theirs up for free.
From Yahoo News
Where’s the line between gay and straight? How far is too far? Is touching another guy gay? How about touching him repeatedly? How about if the B-52’s Rock Lobster is playing in the background? Check out this video entitled Gay Chicken, a game where everyone wins.
Don’t miss the dozens of other “Gay Chicken” dares on YouTube.
Dear Lucas Entertainment, We all know that Michael Lucas is known for having an enormous prick. But now it seems that flaky actors have recently given the hung top a pain in his ass. While shooting Flip This! in Atlanta, several of his “models” no-showed, leaving his more responsible models literally holding their dicks until he could find replacements. Michael’s solution from now on?Making models pay for their own flights.* He says that over 10 years, Lucas Entertainment has lost tens of thousands in missed flights and that models who don’t have enough money and credit cards to by a round-trip ticket are probably reckless and won’t show up anyway. Hard times call for hard measures, Mr. Lucas. Rising travel costs hurt us all&mdash but by forcing your models to pay, you may overlook a ramen-eating, Starbucks-slinging stud who just couldn’t afford to become the next international porn sensation on his own. Plus, just because you want your models to pay, doesn’t mean Mother Nature should have to as well. So instead, we’re offering the following suggestions to ease your travel cost woes and set you apart as a kinder, greener pornographer: 1. GREEN SCREEN PORNOS: Michael, instead of bringing your actors to Atlanta, try bringing Atlanta to your actors! By having your stable of men fuck in front of a green screen, you could not only save thousands in travel and hotel clean-up costs (anal leakage leaves heavy-duty stains), but also stage pornos in the most fantastical locations. Forget Atlanta… how about Atlantis?!! A haunted spaceship??! or the Cliffs of Hades!!! You could even incorporate CGI or animation into your films and do away with actors and locations completely! 2. LOYALTY OATHS AND PORN GOONS: Did you know the words testes and testify come from the same root? In Ancient Greece, men had to swear on their nuts when appearing in court. By having your actors do the same and hiring two muscular squirrels to come and collect, your models will know they’d better show up or it’s their balls! If that’s too dire, you needn’t resort to castration. Just hire stallions instead of squirrels and have them take it out of your model’s asses. You could film the scene and still recoup your losses– everyone wins! 3. GET ECO-SEXY: It’s possible that rising energy costs are squeezing you the hardest. So, maybe you should consider revolutionizing the industry by being the first eco-friendly porn studio! You’d save money and the environment! Consider hydrogen cell and solar-powered planes for your models. Try vegan sex gear for your scenes (hemp restraints, synthetic leather, and silk-based dildos are hypoallergenic, easy to clean, and cruelty-free!). You could also record in natural settings, like beaches and rainforests that provide their sunlight and comfy grasses, instead of artificial environments with energy-sucking lights and sweatshop-made beds. That way you’d create porn that’s makes men cum and would make Mother Earth cream as well.
Either way, we hope you continue making videos of hot men fucking each other. Love,
QueerClick
[*EDITOR’S FOOTNOTE: After posting, one commenter correctly reminded us that Mr. Lucas is indeed reimbursing his models for their flights after the shoot. We do try to be accurate and fair, even in humorous pieces. So thanks for speaking up!]
You may remember Jay Brannan (picture above) having the Star-Spangled Banner sung into his ass during a hot three-way scene in John Cameron Mitchell’s Shortbus. In the hilarious video clip below, Jay strums on guitar while comedienne Margaret Cho sings Relax Your Neck. Their duet’s hilarious, just check out the lyrics below… “Maybe you heard that I have class
but I’ll stick my finger in your ass
Let’s go over what you ate
Be sure there’s no horses at your gate
Never met a dick I couldn’t milk
My esophagus is lined with silk”
Both The Incredible Hulk and The Dark Knight have returned to blow summer audiences… away. Though Batman’s expected to best The Hulk at the box office, which one wears the crown when it comes to being Queen of Gayness? Let’s take a closer look (our evidence comes from general knowledge and their most recent films)… GAY ORIGINS HULK: Working for the U.S. military (don’t ask, don’t tell), Bruce Banner&mdash sounds like a 1970’s porn name&mdash does top-secret experiments with human DNA (re: semen). He suc-cumbs to extreme gamma radiation (like a sleeping guy in tanning bed) feeling “better than ever”… with a brand new secret identity (wink, wink). BATMAN: After a rousing night of theater (Xanadu, perhaps?), a thug shoots Bruce Wayne’s parents dead. As an adult, Bruce goes on a manhunt for the guy who did the dirty deed. But Bruce is disappointed to find someone has shot a load on the thug before he could. Later, he spends hard time in an Asian prison and in the mountains with a secret men’s organization (like Falcon’s The Other Side of Aspen). GAY COSTUME HULK: Fashion be damned, the Hulk knows a kickin’ body is the best accessory. The scantily clad Hulk wears skin tight shirts that rip off as soon as he “hulks-out” (an impressive dance floor trick). He also wears purple denim cut-offs that show off his monstrous quads and incredible ass (power bottom, anyone?). BATMAN: Batman’s more a leather, S&M type, subjecting himself to rigorous morning workouts and spending lots of time alone in the Batcave coming up with new (ass) toys. He’s all about matching accessories that are stylish and functional. His smart and sassy utility belt also packs a grappling gun for when he finds himself nose-deep in a hairy spot. GAY GIVEAWAY HULK: Though The Hulk expresses his tender side through martial arts and meditation, he’s a total drama queen and with a psychotically short fuse. He bottles up his true feelings about being constantly picked on, his estranged father, and his preference for cats and lets it out at the worst times (like during his weekend at San Francisco). Emotionally repressed guys can be killer in the sack, though. BATMAN: Playboy Bruce is pretty secretive and cagey about his feelings and personal life. He just can’t seem to make any female relationship work&mdash some, like Poison Ivy and Catwoman, want him dead. His fly-by-night antics make it difficult for him to commit to any person, though he has had a some luck with his butt-ler Alfred and his young, nubile “ward” Robin (so young, so impressionable). Which superhero seems super-gay to you? Tell us your thoughts?
Luck, Be A Lady Tonight
By Steve Prince
Thump! My glass of water fell on my rug and soaked the floor. Damn. Why didn’t I drink that water before I went to bed? I probably wouldn’t feel so hung over now if I had. I turned to look at my clock. It’s almost noon. Wow. I guess last night was a late night; I never sleep this late normally.
By instinct I reach over and grab my phone to check the text messages. I hate texting. I really do. Hold on. Let me find my soapbox…Ahem.
The problem with texting is that inflection and the intention of what was said isn’t there. For the gay man who already second guesses himself all the time (I’m raising my hand right now) texting is not a tool–it’s a second guessing death trap. Dating is nothing but second guessing already, but combined with texting it makes a fella feel like he’s third and forth guessing. A simply “sure” as a response to lunch can mean many things. Sure, I would love to have a meal with you. Sure, I would like to get to know you better. Sure, I’ll go because I have nothing else better to do. Sure, but I’d rather just sit on your face. Sure, this way I can find out where you live and stalk you.
DO WE SEE THE DANGER OF TEXTING PEOPLE???!!! Texting is the problem; I’m certain it has NOTHING to do with my own insecurities. Nope, not a bit. Okay back to my morning–well afternoon by now.
Christmas In July
By Steve Prince
Summer is here, and Steve Prince is a queer in need of a vacation and good cheer.
I love living in Los Angeles in the summer. Everything is beautiful and accessible here. There’s the beach, the mountains, The Getty, Griffith Park, patio bars in West Hollywood, and beautiful men of all types abound. I mean it does get a bit warm in the summer–all right, it can be hotter than Matt Summers spread eagle on a school desk. Oh and I guess there’s traffic, but there’s ALWAYS traffic. It’s just a fact that when driving in LA you’ll be sandwiched on a freeway for several hours with strangers. And of course with all these people, who can get any place in a reasonable time? So what if I have to get up two hours earlier so I can get to my job on time. My job where my boss keeps me on pins and needles, and every day a little piece of my soul is swallowed up in a hellmouth of work…OH MY GOD I HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS SHITTY ASS DIRTY, CROWDED CITY BEFORE I DIE!!!!!
Momma needs a vacation…
Going Public
By Steve Prince
“You had sex three times in one day, with three different people?” I choked on my Dr. Pepper.
“Well, what are you supposed to do?” Omar replied, “It’s Palm Springs.”
Omar and I had been good friends for a little over a year now but I have never even heard him mention Palm Springs.
“So this one cute Latin guy”, Omar licked his lips and leaned forward; he loves the Latin men. “He met me on the way to the hot tub. And I told him that I needed to go to my room and change first.”
“Uh-huh” I said. “Wow. That’s not even subtle.”
“I know,” Omar giggled. “So, yeah, we basically just went to my room to fuck. Well apparently while I was gone his boyfriend came up to my friend who was still at the hot tub. His boyfriend was furious apparently. And I’m like, ‘Come on! It’s Palm Springs!'”
Lyin’, & Twinks, & Bears–Oh My!
By Steve Prince
“So how old are you”, he typed. “I’m not really into guys 25 or up.”
“I’m 24”.
24…24?…24!!!
I actually laughed when I typed it. I’m 29, which to ME isn’t that old, but to a 21-year-old college guy — it ain’t young. I don’t usually lie when I hookup with a guy, but you should have seen his picture…so cute.
Hey I can’t be faulted. I had been stressed out at work and I just wanted a nice long blowjob. The kind you see Alan Gregory give…you know where the guy’s dick is literally shining like a Christmas star because it has been made so wet by the other fella’s mouth. Sigh. And Tyler wanted to give it to me, so there ya go. Yes his name was Tyler — my nephew’s name. I have no shame.
“I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” I type.
“Tight dude,” he responds. “Call me when you’re by the Student Union and I’ll meet you.”
Tight dude? I actually didn’t know people still said that. I grabbed a hat as I ran out the door. Hats make me look younger. Oh God, what am I doing?
