Hey Kids –
How have I gone this long and not learned the finer art of picking up a frat-boy? About a month ago – after a few libations at the local watering hole frequented by the “Boys” – I was soon introduced to a new language that I had some personal prior knowledge of, but never fluent. Some call it “Drunk-ese” – but in a college town I’m sure the dialect is more aptly named “Frat-Boy”.
If it wasn’t hard enough to ‘read inbetween the lines’ with most ‘so-called’ straight boys, once they’ve had a few pitchers of beer they begin to throw my gaydar off the chart. After many nights throwing darts, belching like a longshoreman and joining the gang singing an entirely garbled rendition of some Wu Tang Clan song at the top of my lungs I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am ready to pass on my findings.
Below you’ll find a few of the most common phrases that will be slurred in your general direction over the course of the evening followed with what can best be described as the closest sober translation. Hopefully these will aid you all in getting one step closer to the Hottie with that certain look in his eyes. Or at the very least – you’ll be able to know if you should be taking someone’s keys when they look at you and say, “No Dude, I’m toooooooootally cool to drive.” What’s up, Bro? = What’s up, guy-who’s-name-I-can’t-ever-remember? I LOVE This Song! = I KNOW This Song! You’re my best friend, man. = You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now. Who wants to dance? = Who wants to watch me stumble around the party, waving my arms, spilling my drink and pile-driving my genitals into anything? Man, I’m hungry = Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to puke… again. I’m soooo drunk = I’m planting a seed in your head that will eventually grow into a beautiful tree which excuses me from blame for my actions tonight. *This is one phrase that works for everyone!* Let’s take a walk, this bar is crowded = I prefer my handjobs outdoors. Want to watch a movie? = Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling? I’m totally fine, dude = I’m totally going to puke again in about five minutes. Happy hunting boys! – M’wah!
Hello Kids –
Hopefully you’ve all had a great weekend. I know that I’ve been very busy making phone-calls (I know, how archaic) to some of my buddies trying to line up some fun stuff for all my QueerClick.com kids! But in the meantime – I came across one of my favorite porn performers finally had his site up and running. Trust me – this young man gets me UP and running!
I’m sure you’re well aware of his finer talents – but just to remind you – here are a few shots to remind you!
And one thing Mom loves about Brad is that he’s already doing fairly regular Live Shows! If you’re a member of Badpuppy.com you can keep updated through their contributor pages. But it’s much better if you go directly to the source! If you catch one of his live shows or chat sessions – be sure and tell Brad that “Mom sent you!”
Brad can also be found on Colt Studio & Falcon Studio.
Hey Kids –
I’ve been so busy this past week with the 10th Annual Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. There have been some amazing films, the ABBA Movie Sing-A-Long and the shorts programs this year were out of this world! Even the documentary program – including an in depth look at one of America’s first major gay porn superstar Peter Berlin – continues to amaze me.
The rest of this week is going to be great with outrageous performance artist Peaches Christ from San Francisco bringing her “Triolgy of Terror” to the festival, a special sneak preview film and Saturday’s Midnight Sing-A-Long of Madonna’s “Truth Or Dare”.
But I know my boys here on QueerClick like the films with a little skin – besides a little substance. The festival was lucky enough to screen the highly anticipated “Garcon Stupide”.
If you’ve picked up a gay magazine in the past six months you’ve surely seen an ad for this coming of age story of Loic, a young gay man in Switzerland. Like most boys his age he tries to fill the emotional void of his raucous sex life with dreams of bettering himself. Ah youth! For those of you who don’t mind reading sub-titles (in French with English sub-titles) while you’re watching a film – this is the movie for you.
Keep a look out – it should be opening in selected cities before the end of the year. You’ll be glad you did!
M’wah – M.
Hey Kids –
Glad to know I’m already stirring up a little controversy. Lets me know you’re alive!
Okay – you want men – I’ll give you men. Mother happens to be very close with the stable of studs at Raging Stallion Studios! In fact, I spent my birthday vacation with them on location for the upcoming ‘Arabesque‘ – which will be released just in time to fill your stockings at Christmastime – and also ‘Hard As Wood‘ from Michael Brandon’s own Monster Bang productions!
All the action takes place on Raging Stallion’s 55-acre Northern California ranch. Both Chris Ward and Michael Brandon took the helm directing this hot feature where as true to the Monster Bang line – it’s all about huge cocks and the deep holes they fill.
I happen to know that most of the five scenes in this ten man fuck-fest not only include Raging Stallion’s notorious ‘All Orals’ cum shots – but these studs usually shoot more than just once! Yee-Haw! How could you top that? (Pardon the pun.) This release is the introduction of Francois Sagat the studios newest find! Not only is he near perfect with that physique carved out of marble but when you look in his eyes you can’t keep yourself from just…. Well, you know what to do. Yes, there is a new star in the pornographic heavens tonight!
And kids, the only way you can get it is by going to Raging Stallion Studios. Don’t forget to tell them that Mom and the boys at QueerClick sent you! M’wah – M.
Hello Kids!
You are all having a lovely day I presume? Staring at alluring pictures from all over the globe of hot men scantily clad with that long look of wanton lust and desire in their eyes during lunch today it occurred to me that I didn’t tell you – I’m really a man! I only wear a dress when I’m working. Then again, I only drink when I work… go figure.
This past week an old friend was in town promoting his new feature film, in which he not only stars, he wrote it and it’s his directorial debut, called “Say Uncle.” (I’ve heard of egomaniacal queens before but this is ridiculous!) None other than Peter Paige – or as you probably know him best: Emmett from Showtime’s “Queer as Folk”. He had just got off the plane but said he couldn’t pass up a chance to actually “Co-Host” with your darling Mother!
You see my internet angels, every week here in little old Seattle I host an evening at R Place Bar called “WET!” It’s something of my own design: a wet underwear contest with ‘a twist’. The contestants sign up for a chance at a cash prize or porn (imagine?!?!) with your dear sweet Mother! The first half of the show is a round of “Porn Karaoke” (Yes, it’s as odd as it sounds!). The contestants and I provide the “vocals” for very well edited porn clips – followed by “The Squirting” when I have them dance in tighty-whities while getting sprayed with super-soaker-squirt guns! It’s Heaven on earth!
The winner that night was Preston – but as you can guess they’re all winners in my book! All in all, it was another one for the record books as we got ready to leave for home. Here’s one last look as we toddle off to our trundles: Christopher Racster, Producer/Friend; Peter, my baby; Me; and last but certainly not least – the one who actually keeps me together, my assistant, Michael or as he is lovingly called by myself and others “Ma’s Bitch”
As I always say: Remember to breathe. Don’t take life so seriously. Smile – you could be hit by a bus! Be good. Behave. Play safe. Say, “hello” to someone new. Always wear a clean pair of underwear. And remember: you’re not alone – you’ve got me. M’wah – M
PS: All this week’s pictures by Eric Gregory.
Hello Kids!
My name is Mark “Mom” Finley – and from now on, each and every one of you are my children. What that means is just what it sounds like: I’m your Mom. I love you all unconditionally – but will scold when necessary. I’m a great shoulder to lean or cry on – yet even better as a swift kicky in the keister to get you on your feet.
I just want to say how thoroughty excited I am to become part of the “QueerClick” family! I knew my endless knowledge of all things that seem to be tucked up under my wig somewhere would come in useful some day – and here it is! Huzzah!
Actually, I think it’s because for some reason I attract hot young men. That’s right – I don’t know why – but it’s true. I have one friend who actually says that I’m the only one of my kind. I’m a “Chicken Magnet“! And what’s a lovely lady to do but to accept what the universe gives her with quiet and genteel humility? **bows humbly**
What else do you expect of a small-town-boy-escapee who’s lived all over the world, studied the geisha arts in Japan, studied acting in LA, survived New York City in the 80s, stand-up-comedian-drag-queen-performance artist who several reviewers have called “The secret love child of Jerry Lewis and Joan Crawford” supposed to do with herself when clearly going through a midlife crisis?!?!?! I mean – come on!
Just like “Auntie Mame” (and if you don’t know who that is – TURN IN YOUR CARD!!) I’m here to open doors for you! Doors you didn’t even dream existed! Oh what times we’re going to have! If there are words or things you don’t understand just send them on to me and I’ll try to explain them to you as best I can. But know ahead of time – I ain’t no ‘Dear Abby’. There will be things that I say…
Well, let’s just see how it all goes this first week, shall we? I promise to make you smile and enjoy your day just a little bit more! Sound like a plan? Great! Now – if someone could just tell me how to work this damnedblasted computer-thinga-mah-whatzits we’ll be on our way! I have a ton of stories and pictures to share!
M’wah – M.
