Aural Sex: Porn Stars in the Music Industry
If last week’s Cristo’ Cleer post is any indication, sometimes porn stars should just steer clear of the music industry. After all, Cristo’s beats weren’t dropping our panties nearly as much as his abs. Nonetheless, porn-actor-turned-“musician” appears to be a pretty common title showing up on business cards these days. In response — and also because many of these tracks are gems in their own strange way — we’ve compiled a quick overview of porn’s major music makers. The tracks may not cream your coffee quite the way that the actors themselves do, but the phenomenon is too extensive to be ignored.
Jeff Stryker
Jeff Stryker — an old scool porn giant — may be one of the first to start this trend. He launched his album back in 1995. What’s so notable about his music career is that he’s the only one on our list whose music isn’t dance-oriented. His album, Wild Buck (1995) is supposedly a country album. The album is hard to track down, these days, but you can buy a copy of dance remixes on Amazon for the low, low price of $195 USD. We would casually point out that for the same price, you could just go ahead and get yourself 4 Jeff Stryker 10.5 inch dildos. And you’d probably have more fun with the dildos.
The only remnant we can find of Mr. Stryker’s musical foray is his single “Pop you in the Pooper,” which is now the ringtone for every phone in the QC office.
Mitch Branson
We’ve featured Colt Studio’s Mitch Branson several times here on QC, but it looks like he also has a music career. Mitch’s two albums — Groove Compass and Darkness of Pleasure — are both dance albums that, thankfully, do not feature vocals. In spite of track names like “India’s Dirty Secret,” “Rain of Radioactive Joy,” and “Roller Coasters of the Haunted House,” Branson’s music isn’t actually as terrible as you might expect. He’s not going to win a Grammy anytime soon, but if we were in an elevator and one of his tracks came on, we wouldn’t immediately start crying.
Sadly, none of his music is on YouTube, but you can buy the album on Amazon for $17 and you can sample some of his tracks here. You can even find him on MTV.com. Hypothetically, if a loving QC reader wanted to Amazon Wishlist us this album (or any others on this list), we wouldn’t be mad.
Johnny Hazzard
Johnny Hazzard, who has long been a QC favorite, is a bit of a one hit wonder. His only single, “Deeper Into You” was actually featured on a season 2 episode of True Blood. If that isn’t a indication that you’ve made it, we don’t know what is. Plus, the song itself isn’t bad, if techno/dance is your thing. We’re just glad that his brief brush with True Blood fame hasn’t interfered with his porn career. Priorities, Johny!
Colton Ford
We’ve covered him before, but no list of porn star/musicians would be complete without mentioning Colton Ford. Though he’s quick to tell you that his music career started long before his porn career, he’s done a ton of covers, including “Losing My Religion” and “The Way You Love Me.” (Did “Losing My Religion” really need to be made into a dance song?) It looks like his official website at ColtonFordMusic.com has come down, but his MySpace page is still up, and his album Naked Fame is available on Amazon for $77.
Jessy Ares
Finally, we have Jessy Ares, who has been making music for the last several years under the name Arestirado. He describes his 2010 album Shameless as a “basket of fruit,” by which we think he means that he tried to combine many different musical styles. It sounds pretty house/trance-y to us, but what do we know?
This brings us to the all-important final question. Which of these songs is your favorite? Let us know in this poll and in the comments!
