Robert Pattinson Is Allergic To Vaginas, Has Weird Sex, And Misses “Quaint” 1980’s Porn

Ever since he got his gay on in the film Little Ashes, we’ve been paying extra close attention to the exploits of Robert Pattinson. It’s not that we think he’s gay…it’s that we hope he’s gay. And if his recent barrage of sexual comments are any indication, he may not just be gay, but a bit freaky as well.
Pattinson recently completed a photo shoot for Details magazine filled with lots of hot vamps draping their lady parts all over the Twilight star. According to the extra-reputable gossip site, Digital Spy, Pattinson admitted, “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.”
But that’s not all. He also described his sex scenes with Uma Thurman in the upcoming film, Bel Ami as “disturbing”: “The sex scenes with Uma are kind of disturbing. Her character kind of uses sex as a sort of weapon and my character thinks like an animal. There’s a lot of sex scenes in this film, so I’m asking quite a lot of myself, and with lots of different people as well.”
What a proper slut! And to think we used to spend time obsessing about his hair, like teenage girls. Meanwhile, Pattinson was getting it on with Uma, a woman we saw slice and dice her way through the sword-wielding members of the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill. Dang, Pattinson just gets hotter with every word. So imagine our delight when we also discovered he’s a fan of vintage porn:
Once again, talking about the naked women in the Details shoot, he said that he felt like he was taking part in porn from the 1980s: “This shoot, it’s kind of ’80s nakedness, you know? If you look at porn in, like, the ’80s, there was something kind of quaint about it, quite sweet – like this little naked community. The people who made it liked it, they had respect for it. Not remotely like the porn that’s available now. No community in it at all. It’s just everything, everywhere.”
He may be allergic to vaginas, be having disturbing sex with Uma, and love on vintage porn, but does any of that make him gay? He supposedly went out with his Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart, but he also added in a recent interview that he’s not currently involved in a relationship. “The only emotional connection of relevance is with my dog,” he said. “My relationship with my dog, it’s ridiculous.”
Lucky dog! We bet that animal gets to sleep between Pattinson’s legs and lick his face whenever he wants. What we wouldn’t do to have Pattinson lead us around on a leash, give us a good bath and scratch on the belly from time to time. He may be into bestiality, but with that hair and that bod, we can forgive some freakiness—woof! woof!