Ask QC: I want to come out… any advice?

Dear Ask QC,

Hi guys!

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now, seems like years but yeah I’ve finally decided I want to come out. I know everyone’s circumstances are different and so I need some advice on the timing of this…

I come from a traditional Asian (Chinese) background, I’m 22 yo and studying at college in USA but will be traveling back home soon for Lunar New Year, which is our most important traditional holiday of the year. My folks live West coast but I’ve been at college in NYC for the last few years and have been dating and living my life as I wish to (pretty much) but obviously this is still a secret to my family.

As most of my family and my life time friends will be back in California during our holiday season it seems to me that this would be the best opportunity to come out, but a couple of my gay friends here in New York have said holidays aren’t the best time to do it. And my problem is that I’m getting more frustrated because it seems there’s never a “best time” to do it. Last year my elder sister got married and I thought of it then but felt it wouldn’t be fair as it was her day and not appropriate then. I almost did it at Christmas but unfortunately my Dad was ill then and so the timing of that wasn’t really right either.

I do have some concerns because being gay, it isn’t something talked about or mentioned in our family. I think my Mom will be okay with it, not too sure about my Dad, I’ve got younger brothers and sisters and most of my close friends there. All my other relatives will be there during that time, I’m thinking of coming out individually to my close friends first then my parents.

I’m obviously very nervous and a bit scared to do this but I feel if I don’t do it now then the next chance won’t be until the summer or even later in the year and I find that thought unbearable to wait any longer. One concern is that I am being supported for accommodation and expeneses by my family to get through college and I have no idea if my Dad would react by cutting me off from that. Both myself and boyfriend are also working part time but we can’t afford our own place.

Well I just need some advice if the timing of this is right or not, any pitfalls I may have overlooked, I’m hoping it will go okay and then I can eventually introduce them to my boyfriend and not have to contine to lie about non existent girl friends and keep evading questions of marriage.

I’d really appreciate any tips or advice guys – thanks!

Btw, I’m a long time fan of QC – you guys rock 🙂

Hugs, Daryl

Hi Daryl and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Coming out is a significant step for any gay person, as you point out we all have different backgrounds and circumstances, but ultimately all that we want is to be able to live our lives honestly and openly and to be who we are. There have been a few questions to Ask QC in the past on coming out, which you may find useful;
Telling my friends I am gay
Am I too old to come out?
How can I come out to my parents?
How to Come Out as Bi
And, of course, there is always lots of more current and relevant advice from our readers who’ve been through this experience before too. So, dear QC readers, how would you advize Daryl? Please share your tips and advice with him and all in the QComments section!
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