Ask QC: Should I Follow My Boyfriend To The Big City?

Dear QC,

8 months ago, I hooked up with an old friend of mine from high school (I am now in my late 20s). We started dating, fell in love, and decided to be in a relationship. As we now live in different countries, we have been sustaining a long-distance relationship by visiting each other as much as we can. The problem lies with our future plans.

I live in a small city with my family. He plans to come over to my country as a student so that he can pursue further education while being with me (My country does not allow for any kind of gay union, so the only way he can remain here is by me sponsoring him after living together while he studies). The strange thing is that he is adamant in moving to the capital city. While it is true that there is a better school for him to study, I am simply not financially able to survive there (I am a freelance artist, and have carved a niche in what I do where I live).

I have tried my best to explain this point to him, but he does not believe it would be as impractical as I think it is. I have suggested that he come to my city, where he can also study and take advantage of the fact that my family can help us to settle. However, it appears the attraction of the capital is hard to resist. He now accuses me of being afraid of change and being too comfortable with living with my family.

My other worry is that I do not think it is realistic to begin a relationship with someone in a new expensive city. I also explained to him how it doesn’t really make sense for both of us to have to move just to be together. It’s like asking me to move from New Mexico to New York to live with my new European boyfriend. It just doesn’t make sense (to me at least), which is why I find myself questioning his motive.

Is he moving to my country to be with me or to live the fast-paced life in the city of his choice? After expressing my reluctance to his plan, he accused me of taking his dream away from him. He then said, “I’ll move there first. When you’re ready, you can come and join me”. What should I do? There are so many issues to consider; I don’t know what’s right from what’s sensible.

Sincerely,
Small City Boy

What do you think, QC? Should Small City Boy follow his boyfriend to the big city or stay put? What are the consequence and ways he could make his relationship work in both cases? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.
Have a question for QC? Send ’em to [email protected] and we’ll do our best to solve your problems!