Ask QC: My Gay Friend’s Painfully Closeted!

Hey there,

I have a bit of a dilemma about my best friend.  I have a feeling he is gay but is in denial and/or afraid to admit it.  I’ve talked to a couple of my friends about it and we all think the same thing, however I’m still not sure enough of what to do.  That’s why I decided to ask my fellow QC readers and get some more input and advice.

I’ll start off with reasons as to why I think he’s gay.  About 3 years ago we went away together with my mom on a trip to a resort for a week and during that trip we would show each other our asses quite often, him especially to the point where it felt quite sexual.  Nothing like that has happened since, however there are other occurrences that are the main reasons why I’m questioning his sexuality.

He’s always interested in my sex life and what I do with my boyfriends and what not and can hear all the details without getting grossed out.  I also noticed that he’s rather jealous of my boyfriends and when he met my current boyfriend recently he didn’t acknowledge him much and barely said anything to him whereas his fiance (yes – he’s engaged to his first and only girlfriend) and I talked and laughed with my boyfriend the entire dinner.

  A few months ago with my last boyfriend, he said I should break up with my boyfriend because he was going away for a few weeks and I wasn’t going to see him and not long after that sent me text messages saying that he’s gay too and he loves me and would break up with his girlfriend for me if I would break up with my boyfriend for him and if I thought he was hot and so forth.  I phoned him and he didn’t say much but eventually said via text later on that he was joking and left it at that.

I do get a gay vibe from him and while my gaydar is pretty good, I just want to make sure I’m 100% correct.  Problem is though that even if he is, he comes from a Catholic background that creates a conflict for him if he wanted to come out.  Plus he’s engaged so it makes things harder.  BTW, it was the girlfriend that made it clear that she wanted to get married and that was her dream and even after buying the ring for her, it took him almost three months to propose to her because he was “nervous”.

So the issue I’m having is how to go about the situation with him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Cheers,

M

Sounds like M is really concerned about his friend and is depending on QC Readers to help. But even if his friend is a closet case, what can/should M do about it? Please feel free to share your own experiences and advice to help him in the comments section.
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