Red, White, And Blown: GOP South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford E-mails With Argentinean Mistress

We interrupt our regularly scheduled porn to bring you an American political scandal! There’s an irresponsible bigited hypocrite who just took a giant dump on his family, state, and career. Meet the GOP 2012 Presidential hopeful, Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford. A former Eagle Scout who recently went missing for six days without telling anyone his whereabouts (timeline).
His aides thought he might be hiking the Appalachian Trail, but he was in fact (ta-dah!) cheating on his wife—the woman who helped launch his political career and gave birth to his four children—with a corporate businesswoman in Argentina! Over Father’s Day even (sorry, boys)! The State broke the story and even shared the steamy e-mail exchanges between Sanford and his spicy South American mistress. They’re quite romantic… no, really.
First, from Sanford:

Dearest,
You are glorious and I hope you really understand that. You do not need a therapist to help you figure your place in the world. You are special and unique and fabulous in a whole host of ways that are worth a much longer conversation. To be continued …

Then from Maria:

My beloved, (hope you also change the dearest …)

I’am (sic) reading your last two mails sitting outside with a great seaview here in Ilhabela, a beautiful island near Sao Paulo. Have been thinking of you while watching the beautiful blue sea (a) great part of my day and remembering with a great smile on my face, the time we had spent together. As I told you before, you brought happiness and love to my life and (I) will take you forever in my heart. I wasn’t aware till we met last week, the strong feelings I had for you, and believe me, I haven’t felt this since I was in my teen ages, when afterwards I got married. I do love you, I can feel it in my heart, and although I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to meet again this has been the best that has happened to me in a long time You made me realized (sic) how you feel when you realy (sic) love somebody and how much you want to be beside the beloved. Last Friday I would had stayed embrassing (sic) and kissing you forever…

Sometimes you don’t choose things, they just happen … I can’t redirect my feelings and I am very happy with mine towards you. Hope you have had a good day, guess with much work.

Send you all my love and goodnight kisses. Sweet dreams from down south. I’ll dream with you.

Then Mark again…

There are but 50 governors in my country and outside of the top spot, this is as high as you can go in the area I have invested the last 15 years of my life — my getting here came as no small measure because I had that foundation of love and support so critical to getting up in the morning and feeling you could give and risk because you already had a full tank of love in the emotional bank account. Since our first meeting there in a wind swept somewhat open air dance spot in Punta del Este, I felt that you had that same rare attribute. Above all else I love that inner beauty about you. That gift of yours is going to make a tremendous difference in (The State deleted sons’ names) life — and in anyone’s life who is blest to be touched by yours — you need to rest very comfortably in that fact. As I mentioned in our last visit, while I did not need love fifteen years ago — as the battle scars of life and aging and politics have worn on this has become a real need of mine. You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light — but hey, that would be going into the sexual details we spoke of at the steakhouse at dinner — and unlike you I would never do that!

Then lastly, Maria:

You have not brought complication or are not bringing complication to my life, on the contrary you’ve fullfiled (sic) me with happiness and made me aware how you can feel when you love somebody. I can think with my head but only feel with my heart so I can’t avoid it even knowing is hopelessly impossible. The guy is the one I told you ,just three years younger than me, but I am not in love and won’t fall in love with time so I have to continue my way … be alone for some time and if I am lucky enough will someday feel towards somebody, what I today feel for you. At least you made me realized it can happen…

P.S.: I don’t want to put the genius (sic) back in the bottle because I truly believe in freedom. I never gave you sexual details but now you don’t need to imagine you can close your eyes and just remember. I’ll do the same.

Adulterous love letters make us spring a big fat rubbery one. Most of the flirty e-mails we get read, “Stats? Pic?” So why is QueerClick running this straight scandal? We could care less about the douchebag’s disappearing to South American for an internet fuckbud. We’re kinda envious, actually. But the only reason we even care is because Sanford so ardently supported a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in his own state and called for Clinton’s resignation after his infamous BJ. So the sanctimonious sexpot can suck it.
But it’s not all bad for the grabby gov. Even though adultery’s a crime in South Carolina and his presidential aspirations are deader than a syphilitic Elephant, after his well-deserved public shaming, wifey said she may take him back. Plus, Karl Rove and Fox News are already spinning damage control. And it looks like he won’t take his own advice and resign. But maybe this humiliating goose in the balls will make him stop playing South American mid-life crisis playboy, do the fucking job he was elected to do, and be a father to his four boys.
We wanted to Photoshop Sanford amid a collage of cum-spurting dicks, but Editor A urged restraint, the truth being embarrassing enough. So instead, here’s lesbian poltical badass, Rachel Maddow, ripping him several new ones: