QC FYI: Don’t Let Facebook Out You. Celebrate Your Gay Love On QueerClique Instead!

Our father used to say “Lay down with dogs and you’ll wake up with fleas.” After catching scabies once (thanks Robert) we realized dad was right—you define yourself by the company you keep. So it’s no wonder that two “researchers” from MIT have created a program called “Gaydar,” which they say can predict whether or not you’re gay based soley on your number of gay friends on Facebook.
Forget the photo of that twink body shot or that you listed Beaches as your favorite film twice. No, it’s your gay friends that’ll out you in the end (right Steve Prince?). For the record, this so-called scientific study is 98% crap because of these two small caveats that the Boston Globe uncovered:

Then they did the same analysis on 947 men who did not report their sexuality. Although the researchers had no way to confirm the analysis with scientific rigor, they used their private knowledge of 10 people in the network who were gay but did not declare it on their Facebook page as a simple check. They found all 10 people were predicted to be gay by the program….

The work has not been published in a scientific journal

Yeah, of course it hasn’t. First off, you hardly need a computer program to tell you that having a lot of gay friends makes you gayer. It’s a no brainer, like those million dollar studies that connect fried food to heart attacks. Second, the “researchers” tested almost a thousand folks, but only confirmed their findings with TEN PEOPLE they personally knew? That sounds as scientific as the “poll” we took in The Eagle bathroom stall last week (we took a lot of polls that night).
But one day, this research won’t be done by faggy, dumb undergrads. A closeted CEO will likely create a much more effective “Gaydar 6900” and root out all you Facebook homos, then the hurt will really be on. Your private love of leathersex and Streisand will suddenly be discovered by a robot you’ve never even slept with and he’ll spend the rest of your Facebook days trying to sell you butt plugs, boner pills, and rehab.

So instead of hiding your homosexuality on Facebook, why not join QueerClique and let your freak flag fly? QueerClique’s a lot better than Facebook because unlike Facebook we let you post and watch literal assloads of porn and links to your favorite sites. You can be as public or as private as you wanna be. And instead of cruising Facebook photo galleries for hours to find a photo of your crush shirtless at the beach, you can click on almost any QueerCliquer’s profile and most likely see their cock (or at least a sexy shot of them).
And you’ll never need a algorithm or a status update to let you know who’s gay on QueerClique—everyone is! In fact. we’ve even heard of some QueerCliquers hitting it off online and meeting up in person.
So you’ve been warned. Stay with Facebook and let some shitty cyborg out you to your church, high school chums, and coworkers, ruin your reputation, and hawk anal wands on your homepage. Or keep your private life PRIVATE on QueerClique and revel in your love of cock without the fear of robots. The choice is queer… QueerClique.