Ask QC: Should I Make A Move On My Close Friend?

This one’s a long, but familiar situation. Reading it gave us nostalgia:

Frankly I’m in a dilemma,

I’ve known my friend for a little over four months. He’s a real cool guy who enjoys cars, going out with friends, and hanging over at my place drinking. I have been bi-sexual for the last ten years but have had to be in the closet about it due to my family supporting me through college and their hardcore Republican anti-gay beliefs. As such, I’ve never really gotten to do anything with another man.

I met him when some friends and myself snuck into a pool at night. As I was with a girl, I pretended not to give notice to the new guy with his rich brown skin and tight body. But he assimilated into our group quickly and began hanging out with us far more often. It was then that I realized I was developing feelings for him.

I would really like to get into a relationship with him if he was willing, though even a more open relationship where we just spend time together physically in between girlfriends would make me happy, I find myself feeling like a child with a crush but I can’t figure out if he would be willing to even try sex.

My house is the one where everyone normally gathers before we leave for the night, or if we’re staying in and watching a movie for the night, then we’ll see it at my house and just crash there as a group. Due to some instability at his place, he began staying at my house nearly every night, just crashing on the sofa. Sometimes, his girlfriend would spend the night as well with or without the entire group of friends.

His school schedule also resembled mine so on Tuesdays and Thursdays we just hang out around the house or go and cruise the mall or any of the other sites arounds the city. As I’m bi, I have few problems remarking on the comments he’d make towards a hot girl, and he also adopted the “no homo” phrase when something gay is said or done. At this point, I figured he was just another heterosexual that I could dream about and at most, get to see lounging around my house in a towel while wet. But as time progressed, I started to wonder if I could have a chance.

After about 3 months, I really started to notice that the number of gay things he did and said had increased slightly; also, he wouldn’t always say “no homo” right after doing something. Such as, we have always wrestled; he used to have some problems with fighting, and I can appreciate the activity as a way to make use of some testosterone. During these bouts, I would work extremely hard at not letting my body react to the feeling of him pressing against me. But during a bout one day, he intentionally grabbed my ass when I had him in a hold to try to shock me to let go of him (as I had done once about a month ago). Him doing this didn’t really give me any hopes because I already knew he would call “no homo” and puff himself up for beating me with the trick, but it never came.

Also, when we drive in a car together, he sometimes will randomly place his hand on my leg and squeeze as a joke to try to make me jump. He does it when people are in the car as well, sometimes he immediately follows it with a call of “no homo” and sometimes he doesn’t, if someone in the car jokes around and says something like “please call no homo” he will say it immediately without thinking. I have of course reciprocated this by doing it to him when we were alone and he immediately jumped and pushed my hand away.

Due to some prior conditions with his health, he tends to become injured easily. This means that he sustains far more injuries during our wrestling matches than I do, even though I keep a very close eye on the amount of strength I use. But accidents have still occurred. Three times he has injured his shoulder or neck and I played the sorry friend and offered to massage the areas with medication to help with his soreness. All three times, he accepted to my own gratification as I got to put my hands on his shirtless chest and back. Lately, he has allowed me to stick my arm around his shoulder at home to comfort him (he’s going through a nasty breakup with his girlfriend, I dumped mine from the pool a while back and “haven’t been interested in anyone lately”) and if he’s sitting in a chair eating and I’m talking to him he’s allowed me to go up randomly massage his shoulders while I’m talking to him (granted I haven’t sustained this for long periods of time, probably 20-30 seconds at a time).

We often do some guy nights with just us and a few good drinks and some hookah (it’s a bong with tobacco). During these times we usually just chill outside and talk, we have both shared some personal things and he has gone far enough to share some of his preferences in bed (big surprise here: he enjoys blow jobs and prefers bottom — well with a girl) and his insecurities about the size of his penis. Hes a very “macho” masculine type guy that likes his tough guy/bad ass image when we leave the house to go to a party or anywhere. But when we are alone like on these nights, he opens up and shows that he’s really nice and gentle. He even screams and laughs when you tickle him.

Since he’s been at my house every day for the last few months, it is natural that he also showers at my house. He showers in my bath and has given no verbal dislike to having to use my soaps/shampoos/deodorants/gels—or my clothes (including boxers). Now I promise this is unintentional but my shower curtain is made of a partially see-through material that allows for you to see pretty much everything with a red tint. I have found myself creating excuses to have to go into the bathroom to grab something when he’s showering and he has not ever complained about my knocking and asking if i can come in for blah blah blah. He cannot be unaware that I can see through the curtain as the person showering can also see through it and everything in the room as well. Nor does he cringe in the shower, he usually faces towards me and talks to me from the shower. Acting as the heterosexual friend, I try to not look down and just say what I need to, grab what I need, and get out.

Like any other guys, we enjoy playing some XBOX together when we’re at the house bored. When we play a game like Halo, I always win (though I try to give him a chance sometimes) and when we first met, he did nothing but do a knuckle pound when either of us got a good kill but as time progressed, if I killed him when he had an element of surprise or something of that nature, he would say “bitch” and try to play slap me (we play on the couch [which is L shaped] with our heads towards each other meeting at the vertex). Now, it’s to the point where he play slaps me on pretty much any kill I make on him (which is quite a few) and sometimes goes further to try to put me into a headlock (this is how the wrestling first begins quite often). And I wonder about how he has gotten more and more comfortable touching me, sometimes, the slaps are very soft and he slides his fingers off my face rather than just picking them up.

I also found out that besides his love for hip hop and rap, he actually enjoys a lot of country music and music from the pop genre all the way down to enjoying Britney Spears and Keith Urban and Taylor Swift. He has never really shown interest in reading, but I did get him to admit that he enjoyed the Twilight series as well. About the last thing that really comes to mind is that he shaves… everything. He says he likes shaving his legs because he likes when they feel smooth and his pubes because he likes being hairless.

I have tried to mention most of the little things he does that I note as being opportunities, but then, in order to get honest feedback I feel I must also note the deterrents.

Like most heterosexuals, he has an undeniable infatuation with breasts and has said many vulgar things about women we have passed by or seen online. He dragged me to a website that posted lots of various pictures from funny pics, to teaser pics, to nearly porn pics and commented on the girls viewed there.

He likes the typical heterosexual ribbing on each other by calling each other “fags”, “bitch”, and making crude remarks about anything. I am used to this game, because pretty much any straight guy tends to do this with his buddies; so the behavior is typical. If I manage to get him with a good burn he laughs along with me. He also doesn’t have any problems with using phrases such as “you can suck my dick.”

As I said previously, he dates girls. Though I know he’s not opposed to cheating, his current situation with his girlfriend spawned from him cheating on her with another girl. So I feel sometimes that making a move while he has a girlfriend wouldn’t mean instant rejection just on the basis that he has a girlfriend, but I also worry because he claims to love her very much, and sometimes I would agree with him that he does, and other times, I would say that he should have dumped her long ago.

Besides the jumping from my touch in the car, if I do the leg touch joke, he also shies away from my hand touching him. If it’s any part of me besides my hand, he doesn’t move, but if we are on the couch and my hand casually touches his hand or his leg, he will scoot over.

I have tried to mention nearly anything of consequence in this, though I’m sure some little things escape me.

Please help me, I have considered and pondered my brain into mush trying to figure out whether or not he would be willing to try something with me. He is a player (part of his ‘image’) and so I have thought that my best action might be to try to get him to agree to experimenting a little with me bottoming because I know his macho pride wouldn’t allow him to do much (he won’t even go down on a girl because of it). However two things hinder me: First, I don’t know if he’s willing to try something with a guy. Second, I don’t know how to approach him with my proposal without risking our friendship forever (which I really don’t want to lose). Any light that can be shone on either of my dilemmas would be greatly appreciated.

Jay

There’s a difference between platonic intimacy and romantic intimacy. Wrestling, massages, showers, and Britney Spears doesn’t make someone gay, but it certainly is making Jay wonder if his friend could become a friend with benefits. We’re not sure how old Jay is or whether he’s out to his friend, but regardless, we’re betting a lot of other QueerClickers have been in a similar situation. Please share your advice and experiences to help Jay in the comments section.
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