PataPORN With Chinpoko

This week someone asked me why I’m always so nice to certain studios. “Are they paying you?” he asked. Whaaa?!! First off, I only accept ass as payment and second, I’d never sell my nuts to any man (OK, maybe not never, but certainly not for a good review). So to prove it to you, I’m gonna give it extra hard to the studios in this week’s PataPORN With Chinpoko!

Chaos Men: Lancing, Van and Vance on QCX
RATING: 2 OUT OF 5 – SEMI-ERECT
The boys strip down immediately and start playing with Lansing’s big floppy dong which Vance soon begins sucking. They soon put their sculpted bodies and beautiful asses on display as they get a suck chain going: Van sucks Lansing and Lansing sucks Vance, each moaning as they down each other’s rigid inches. Sadly, Van’s head gets in the way of Lansing’s cock—he becomes just a wig on a stick. But Vance feeds his rigid cock to Lansing like a pro and soon they change positions as Lansing stands so Van can suck him while Vance eats Van’s cock and jerks himself off.
Before long, Vance cant wait to sink his slender dick into Van’s ass. Sadly, the sex from this point becomes mechanical and uncreative—rote thrusting and only one position change. Hello boys, ever heard of reverse cowgirl? You don’t need the acrobatics of Sean Cody, but some variety puh-leaze!!! I started to go limp. But then Vance starts topping the biggest dick of the bunch, which got me hard, but alas the sex and the cum shots remain just a robotic until the climax.
Just get the paycheck and go, boys.
YUM: the moaning, breathing, lots of bush and big dicks, plus Van also goes ass-to-mouth!
YAWN: the bottom doesn’t get hard or exhibit much passion, the tops are robotic, and there’s no dirty talk or kissing.

Hot Jocks, Nice Cocks: Rod Daily, Parker London and Brandon Lewis
RATING: 5 OUT OF 5 – CUMWORTHY
I have something to admit—have a wrestling fetish. It’s true. So when I saw the pics for this vid, I knew I had to watch. Then I realized that Hot Jocks Nice Cocks is part of a huge easy-to-use website called Suite703 where you get I’m a Married Man, Men Hard at Work, and My Brother’s Hot Friend all for one low price—that’s a lot of dicks for just a little cash! PATA, PATA, PATA!!!
Anyway, while Parker’s getting dressed in his wrestling singlet, Rod accuses him of trying to fuck his girlfriend (OK boys, whatever). They start rolling around on the floor until Brandon Lewis gets pulled into the fight. Rod says “I’ll suck [Parker’s] dick before I apologize to him,” and Parker takes him up on the offer, schoolboy pinning him and slapping his face with his meaty cock—it’s pretty fucking steamy. Then Brandon feeds his shaved member to Rod and Rod sucks like a total pro(stitute). Before long, Brandon begins to devour Rod’s long beautiful schlong before stripping him down and revealing… WHAT??! A PRAYING HANDS TATTOO??!! Total boner killer.
OK, it’s not a boner killer really. The trio begins a 3-man orgy as the muscular cockhungry whores all start sucking each other’s dicks like there’s a cock famine. Parker sure keeps his face impaled on Rod’s maginificent cock—for enemies they sure seem to love sucking each other’s dicks. Then Rod goes for the double suck which is a nice party trick, but never seems to work out too well. No matter your sucking preference, they do it all in this video: there’s ball-licking, deep-throating, face-fucking, and a suck triangle.
Then, in an inspired turn of horniness, Rod and Parker skewer Brandon from both ends, his butt cheeks rippling as Rod slides in and out while Parker force feeds him mandick. Brandon even gets his chance to fuck Rod. They all end in a spectacular fuck with Rod riding Parker as Parker gets fucked by Brandon… an impressive showing!
At the end, Brandon asks, “Now will y’all shake hands?” Rod rises from Parker who’s on the floor covered in cum and answers, “Fuck naw, man.” He then walks away in disgust. Ooh, a twist ending!
SCORE!: wrestling fantasy, cocksucking a-go-go, Rod’s curved dick and low hangers give me an instant boner, and Brandon gets used as a total cockslut.
FOUL!: the hands of Jesus, rimming would have been nice, and Parker has hearts tattooed on his knuckles—WTF?

College Dudes 24/7: Bryan Cavallo Fucks Ryan Holtz
RATING: 3 OUT OF 5 – AROUSED
Bryan and Ryan start by kissing shirtless but before too long, they’re nude and jerking each other off. Cute brunette Ryan gets on his knees and starts sucking Bryan’s huge member and to his credit he does his best, he even gags on it a bit, which made me harder (is that weird?). He’s one of those boys who looks even prettier with a dick sliding in and out of his face. And when Bryan starts to suck Ryan, we see Byran’s big dick flopping around as Ryan guides Bryan’s head up and down Ryan’s uncut slab.
Then Ryan throw his legs up in the air so that Bryan can give him a good fingering digging deep with his digit… and it’s a good thing too. Because when they stand up, Bryan slides on the condom and enters deep, wasting no time before he starts pistoning his jackhammer deep into Ryan’s sweet tight hole. We get the testicle-cam shot so you can see both of their round tight asses. And you can tell it hurts, which only makes the sex all the sweeter.
Then Ryan starts bouncing up and down Bryan’s thick cock, his own uncut member bobbing with each bounce. The close up shows he’s got bruises on his knees (the slut!). And Ryan then lays on his back and cums as Bryan pulls out soon after and finishes the deed. Not amazing sex, but the bodies, deep penetration, and Ryan’s nonstop moaning of “Oh shit” keep it fun to watch.
OH YES: Bryan’s monster cock, Ryan is cute as fuck and uncut, plus the boys genuinely enjoy kissing.
OH NO: Ryan’s got a piddly cum shot, he’s also not a great dirty talker, nor is there a lot of chemistry.

FREAK OF THE WEEK
The Jarics Aren’t Boyfriends Anymore, Just Very Very Close Fuck Buddies
Wait! So are Aden and Jordan Jaric together or aren’t they? I need to know because as soon as one of these studs gets a Rentboy profile, their ass belongs to me. I’ll be the evil ex-boyfriend they never had and do all sorts of deliciously horrible things to them and their amazing bodies. I might even hire them at the same time and tie one to a chair and force him to watch while I violate his pretty ex-lover in a clown costume using nothing but a tub of butter, a blind hooker, and a parking cone.
What? Hey, don’t judge me! I don’t judge your perverted fantasies (though I’d love the chance).

CHINPOKO’S QUICK CUMSHOTS
On The Hunt: Tony and Trey – Kinky card games, sex toys and bondage in a bi-racial scene with two twunks? Sounds ass-mazing!
Frat Men: Trent – If you haven’t already shot three-and-a-half loads looking at this high school fantasy come true, do yourself a favor and plant your face in Trent’s hairy asscrack NOW!
Randy Blue: Landon Mark – Landon says he likes to turn other guys on at the gym, but will he turn his ass out for the other guys at Randy Blue? Hmmm…
See? I didn’t go too easy on the studios this week, did I? A dick has to have standards or who knows what else I’d get into. Which reminds me, what are you doing still reading this when there’s so much great porn out there? Get out there and get turned on!