Private Jackson Lawless reports to Major Brandon Bangs to complain that his bunkmate’s jacking off all night to girlie mags keeps him awake. Major Bangs doesn’t see that as a problem; instead he objects to Lawless’ complaining. As punishment he orders Lawless to suck his thick uncut cock. Soon the whining Private finds himself doggy-style on the desk, getting fucked by Bangs – now that’s Corporal Punishment.
When police officer Sergeant Andrew Lawrance started telling his fellow officers and their wives about his cock piercing at the office Chrismas party, they begged him to do his self-proclaimed “party trick” of opening a beer with it. So he went into the bathroom of Tommy’s Chinese Restaurant, attached a bottle opener to his cock, and popped open a longneck with his Prince Albert. They might have been impressed, but his boss wasn’t.
His boss, Police Commissioner Andrew Scipione, says that he lost confidence in Lawrance a senior officer with the force and has had Lawrance sacked. Weirdly enough, Lawrance had already undergone counseling for doing the exact same thing back in 2004, but apparently he can’t resist an audience. Luckily Lawrance also has a part-time job working in a bottle shop (where he probably perfects his party trick), so he won’t be entirely without work.
And if his employers at the bottle shop are more laid back than his superiors at the police department, he might want to stop by the website Phallic Cymbals and see what other wondrous things he can do with his penis. Heck, he might even become a gay internet sensation if he keeps working at it!
While Americans continue to fight about whether or not to allow queermos into their armed forces, only one publication is fearless enough to mention the hot gay orgies that will overtake our battlefields once openly gay men are allowed to rim, er, blow, er… serve—The Onion. Yes, it’s a fake newspaper, but there’s nothing fake about the boner we got reading their satirical article on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell:
Despite its support from the defense secretary and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs, the repeal has been condemned by many military officers who worry it could disrupt troop cohesion and endanger the lives of the taut young soldiers who have dedicated their lives to serving America with “every rippling muscle in their rock-hard bodies.”
Others have argued that allowing gay soldiers to push their lifestyle on others, testing the limits of pleasure a man can take before he erupts in uncontrollable ecstasy, would seriously damage morale.
“Our men need to know they can count on each other in battle, and we can’t have them getting distracted by illicit romantic dalliances,” said Gen. James T. Conway, commandant of the Marine Corps. “Especially if one’s a little blond Adonis farm boy and his buddy’s a real tough street kid straight out of Brooklyn. I mean, think about it: What if they lock eyes and abandon their post to start ripping each other’s fatigues off, revealing twin sets of glistening washboard abs and at last fulfilling their hidden passions?”
Continued Conway, “Is this the message we want to send to our enemies?”…
This May, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) promised voters he would do everything in his power to prevent gays from serving openly in the armed forces…
“Imagine you’ve got a boat full of sailors out cruising the Gulf of Aden when all of a sudden they’re attacked. Some of the homosexuals lock themselves below deck and begin touching themselves,” said the 73-year-old senator and Vietnam War veteran, his breath quickening. “One of their names is Ricardo. Unbuttoning his pants, he throws his gunner’s mate down on the cot and penetrates him, his big, beautiful dick shimmering with power, his dog tags bouncing up and down as he’s pounding, and pounding, and pounding.”
Added McCain, “What I’m trying to say is: It all boils down to combat effectiveness.”
For the first time ever, Ransom got shy with a model because really thought Vander was hot. Ransom is mostly straight, but every now and then a dude attracts him, and Vander was it!
There is just something about Vander anyway. He’s calm, confident, nicely built, big cock, and he just smells great.
Ransom keyed into all of these things the minute he walked into the room that Vander was waiting for him in. There was some nervousness at the beginning of the film, but once his clothes are off, all bets were off and this seriously turns into a feeding frenzy.
Remember Pricasso, the guy who painted with his dick? Now Reese Rideout is following his lead and trying to sell an artwork he made with his cock. We prefer Pricasso’s artwork, but we like Reese’s paintbrush infinitely more. Do you also do face painting, Reese?
It’s actually really hot to see Reese jerking his beautiful cock, pumping his pecs, and slathering his muscular body in paint (you can tell he gets off on it too), but you may want to turn down the volume, because the repetitive and shrill music could drive you insane.
