Ask QC: A little advice needed…

Dear QC,

I am a 24 year old gay guy from Manchester, UK and I am in need of a little advice. I am not very experienced at sex and shy away from relationships and it is starting to bother me.

My first relationship unfortunately was an abusive one – mentally and physically = during sex I was forcibly the bottom. Since this relationship ended I have lost 3 stone (42 lbs) in weight and avoided entering a committed relationship and, therefore, have also steered away from sex. I believe myself to be a bottom more than a top or a versatile guy as the thought of the right type of man inside me, makes me hard instantaneously!

However my bad past experience is making me avoid engaging in sex and my weight loss appearance is making me self conscious. I am far from skinny and the weight needed to be lost but my confidence has gone the wrong way.

I am eager to move on from my past but a couple of things are on my mind – should I just get it over with and bottom for a guy regardless? (or is that opening old wounds – excuse the pun haha!) And also if, and when I reach critical stage with a man again, how do I explain my inexperience and apprehension? Am I getting too old to have never enjoyably bottomed?

Thanks,

Jordan

Hi Jordan and many thanks for writing in with your problem and concerns. It’s perfectly understandable for you to be apprehensive especially as you’ve experienced an abusive relationship in the past. But 24 certainly isn’t too old and there are no rules to say you have to make up your mind to be a bottom for the rest of your life! Knowing what to do next and how to explain your feelings to another man, may take a little thought on how to approach that subject, but to the right man who cares for you then that shouldn’t be a problem too. But dear QC readers what advice would you give Jordan? Have you experienced being in similar situation? How did you move forward with it? If you can help dear Jordan in any way, or have been in a similar situation before then please leave your opinions, experiences, and advice in the QComments section.
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