Ask QC: Is Role Play Perverted?

Dear Ask QC,

I’ve been living with my partner for 14 years now (we are both 38 years old), and I thought I had seen it all sexually in the bedroom with him… that was until last week.

He said he wanted to spice things up somewhat and suggested role play, and I was like, er, ok what do you want me to do (btw I’m a total bottom and he’s totally top). So he asked me to dress up as a school boy and he was going to be teacher.

The thing was I wasn’t able to go through with it as basically this brought back some horrible memories of a few incidents that actually happened to me at school when I was 11 (and I would rather not go into that right now)

He was good enough to let it drop but when we discussed it he did say it was a long standing fantasy of his to do this and that it was only acting out that fantasy for sexual pleasure.

But I’m a little bit confused by this, as I was sexually abused when at school, and I was so disgusted when that happened now I feel I lost some trust with my partner. It’s hard to explain but I look at him now and think he is perverted for suggesting that role play. So who’s wrong here, him? me? both of us? neither of us? I don’t really know what to think or overcome this situation, anyone else out there who has been through this?

Hugs,

Ben

Hi Ben and thanks for your questions and concerns. Role play within an adult, caring and trusting relationship can be a healthy part of sex life. However, the effect and you’re concerns regarding abuse as a child obviously are still an issue that has resurfaced with this incident. But whether role play is to be considered perverted or not is open to debate, as role play does precisely involve fantasies and something that would not likely happen in the real world or outside the bedroom. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give Ben in this situation? If you can help him in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
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