Ask QC: How do you know when you love someone?

Dear Ask QC,

This might be the most generic question you can get but I really do hope you guys can help me on this.

I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. He was my first boyfriend and my first ever relationship. It was the most amazing 1.5 years of my life. I really enjoy spending time with him and I care about him a lot. I thought I loved him. I thought I loved him so much.

But even when we are having such an amazing time with our relationship, I can’t shake my own promiscuosity off. Before I met him I used to be very promiscuous and he was the one difference that I’ve ever found. When I was with him I never physically cheated on him but I have chatted with random guys and sexted.

He found out yesterday and threw me out straight away. We’ve had fights before because of trust issues. Because he was insecure and jealous, but at the same time knowing all this, I still gave into temptation and sexted with people. My own personal point of view is that sex is different from love as sex is just a physical activity. In my head if you love someone it is still ok to have sex with other people, the exact definition of an open relationship. But my bf has a different point of view.

I really do still feel that I love him. So much so that it hurts to think that we’re over. I want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me who can’t even love properly.

Which is why I want to ask, is there something wrong with me for thinking that I can love and be with someone while at the same time have sex with other people? And I really do want to try and get him back but I don’t know if he deserves someone like me, so what should I do?

Sincerely,

John

Hi John and thanks for your questions and concerns. It’s usual in relationships whether open, monogamous, polygamous or otherwise, to clearly define the boundaries within that partnership. It’s clear that you have been able to identify the concerns which led to the break up, i.e. trust issues and behavioral promiscuity. So dear QC readers, what tips and advice can you give John? Have you been in a similar situation yourself, and if so, how did you resolve it? In your experience, do open relationships work or do they always lead to break ups? If you can help John in any way, then please share your wisdom and advice with all in the QComments section!
Need advice? Just send in your questions and the QCollective will get you some answers!