Ask QC: I have no supporters and need a gay friend

Hi Ask QC,

I’m gay, 18 years old and I don’t have any gay friends at all, or rather I should say that I have no one who is a supporter around me.

When I was in high school, my teacher and friends hated me because I’m gay, they were very insulting. There are no openly gay people around me at all and people around me mostly cannot accept gay people.

I’ve just started college and in my new college life I won’t dare to tell my friends there that I’m gay. If I do it will damage my reputation because I know they are homophobic.

I feel very sad and frustrated, as there is no one here to listen to my suffering voice, especially my parents, as they also dislike gay people so much. They have been worried that I’m gay since last time I was caught by my parents when I was watching gay porn. But after that I have lied to them that I had changed my sexuality and that now I’m “straight”. I really do not dare to tell them now that I’m gay. They hope I can have the have my own kids in the future since I’m the only guy among my siblings.

In my country, Malaysia, there are no gay rights, and they don’t have any gay community. Gay’s mostly cannot be accepted in this Islamic country, and actually they have made it illegal too.

I hope I can find a soul mate or gay friend that knows how I feel, because I can’t find anyone. I don’t want to find just any friend from a Facebook group or Grindr, Scruff, etc. Is it really necessary that for me to find gay friends or dates then dating apps are my only options? I have tried exploring more the outside world online but I still can’t find anyone.

What should I do? Or how can I find other gay friends? Also how should I deal with people especially my parents that dislike gay people so much?

Thanks for your help guys,
– Carson

Hi Carson and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. Growing up gay and being isolated is hard enough. Being bullied or ostracised and in a homophobic environment is even tougher – but don’t give up hope! You’ve taken steps to reach out and that’s a great start. It’s understandable that perhaps you aren’t finding the right type of friends on the dating apps and realize that the circumstances at home and in your country make it even more difficult for you to find like minded and understanding people. Have you considered contacting overseas gay youth organizations? They may be able to put you in touch with others your age and even in your own country. They should also be able to help with advice on dealing with the homophobic situation that you find yourself in. If it’s an understanding friend that you are looking for then their sexuality shouldn’t really matter if they are gay or not, as long as they have empathy and a balanced view towards people of different sexualities. Have you also considered contacting or joining other youth groups that interest you? (and not necessarily just gay organizations) There are endless possibilities out there so maybe our readers can help in pointing you in the right direction? Most of them here will have experienced some of the situations that you are currently being exposed to and will have different solutions that helped them in those situations. So dear QC readers, what advice would you give Carson? Were you raised in a homophobic environment at home, school or your country? How did you deal with these types of people and situations? If you can help him in any way then please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the QComments section!

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