Yes, this proof just in… we did evolve from the apes!
Conservative types received the primitive monkey brain, unable to formulate complex thoughts. And queers got the drive and talent for all things sexual. (Well, not ALL things sexual. Some of us here have never driven a Vulva… and you won’t see us out test-driving one anytime soon.)
Pre-Happy-Monday Greetings to all! Have a spooky week. 🙂
We aim to please… actually, our masters aim to please YOU… so they made the whole “funnies” (aka CRaP) department come in and work on the weekend. You requested more of the sailors from our recent Halloween post, so here you go!
We’re not bitter. We know our caste, our lot, our bottom-layered-ness in the world. Happy to oblige. But now we’re taking a serious nap. K? 🙂
We had a tie this week. The two First Place winners in CAPTION THIS are… drum roll… “awwyea” and “dj”… as you can see from the graphic. Good work!
We’ll probably say something like this every time, because it’s true: You people should seriously go into comedy. Please don’t feel too badly if you don’t win because the competition is always pretty stiff (just the way we like it!).
Here are some “runner up / honorable mention” entries that were in the finals (in no particular order):
Rob submitted two that were very similar, so we treated them as one entry: “Oh man! You got soooo ripped off. The guys at Queer Click did SUCH a better job when they used the x-ray machine on Superman!”… and … “Man, I see you got the boots right… but what about the belt and cape man? There is no way anyone will ever figure out that you are Queer Clicks Superman this Halloween.” The lesson here: It doesn’t hurt to pander to our Queer Click-ness and tie in a previous posting… we fall for it every time.
Hank got credit for lyricism (try spelling that without looking it up): “It’z a teeny weenie, pinky winkie, it’zie bitzy, balzlez peeny….”.
And Will gets a nod for creative use of current events: “Did Lyndie England see this one?” (For those of you who don’t read more than porn, Lyndie was the US soldier that got into trouble when she posed in a similar manner… and others… with naked Iraqi prisoners.)
So there you have it. Thanks for your entries!! See you again soon for another game of QC’s ever-popular feature CAPTION THIS!
Dear Husband
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love meanymore, what ever the case is, I’m gone.
P.S.
If you’re trying to find me, don’t.Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life.
Your EX-Wife.
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was$49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
CAPTION THIS!! A WEINER… ER… WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN! Your name will “go up in lights” and be re-posted with the picture and your caption.
The challenge: See if you can do it without “small penis” references. You can, but clever people who don’t will get more points in the judging process.
Now let’s not start a huge debate over whether this guy is underendowed or average or not, etc. We know some of you queers well enough by now to see it cummin. Jesus let us pick our dicks before we came to Earth (you know… “befar we was barnd” as we learned in Sundee School), so when you make fun of a man’s ass thermometer, you’re making fun of Jesus as an artist. But we digress… as usual…
So be creative, tell us the overall caption, tell us what either guy is saying or thinking. We’ll get back to you with a winner in the next few days. Ready…… go!
Some of you expressed dismay that we could just leave poor Superman hangin’ there cold and naked after his trip through our x-ray machine. (And sentiments like “how dare you make fun of Superman.” To which we respond, “It’s a fick-shun-all care-ick-ter,” unlike Santa and the Easter Bunny… whom we’ll never mess with… never never never.)
Anyway, problem solved. We got him all bundled up and ready for a little fall shopping trip down Fifth Avenue.
There you are… in the bathroom stall, when a voice from the stall next door says, “Hello…” Hilarious Unefon television ad [WMA clip posted at boreme.com]
We’ve got 8 months to wait for the big-screen release of “Superman Returns”, but in the mean time we thought we’d try turning the tables on the Man of Steel.
It’s like not fair that he’s got that x-ray vision and all, so we put Super (is it “Mr. Super” or “Mr. Man”?) through Queer Click’s own Super Duper X-ray Machine to see what’s underneath all that spandex and leather… which new-cummer Brandon Routh looks super-duper in, by the way.
The result? Not bad… kinda sketchy… but we’ll take it!! The SDXM is cutting-edge technology, so we haven’t got all the kinks worked out yet. We’ll keep at it! 🙂
Cartoonist John Callahan is an equal-opportunity offender… but he’s devilishly clever! You can check out more of his craft… and even read his hate mail if you want…
Queers and their pets. Fags and their Fluffys. Homos and their hamsters (no urban-legend-related pun intended). It just wouldn’t be Halloween without dressing up the wild animals we share our homes with (vague-reference-to-your-boyfriend pun intended).
So get out there and dress those pets! We’ll say it again: GET ON IT, MARY! You’ve only got 2 weeks.
Our dedication to finding you a show-stoppin’ Halloween costume continues…
We’ve always been fans of the homemade variety of costume, particularly outfits with a good dash of sexy and scary. We’re inspired by the amazing artwork created by Masahiro Fukuyama (awesome last name, no?!) entitled, “Be a Man.” While the artist intended this to be a thought-provoking study of masculine strength and beauty, ya gotta admit showing up in this at any costume party will surely win you “best costume” props, in addition to countless hands feeling up your exaggerated naugahyde torso and that J.Lo-style ka-chunk-a-chunk.
[Artwork of Masahiro Fukuyama at Fukujiru.com]
Tired of the creature you live with… or are dating… or just haven’t found the right man yet? QUEER CLICK TO THE RESCUE!! And just in time for Halloween.
Create your own Halloween Frankenstein’s Monster Man with pics from the Queer Click Galleries! Or we’ve done some homework for you and included a little “QC Gallery of Heads”. Cut & paste and make him hideous, make him hilarious, or make him sexy.
Happy Weekend, y’all! Haven’t gotten a costume yet? Well, get on it Mary! You’ve only got 2 weeks ’til the big weekend. Click Click!!
