Surprise! Straight Porn Makes You Gay

They say that all the best men are either taken or gay. That’s true, though we’re still holding out on that other 90% of the male population to come around to our side. Well, according to Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, we’ll only have to wait 7 years until 11-year-old straight porn lovers grow up to become full-fledged cocksuckers! Here’s his quote made at the Value Voters Summit this weekend:

“it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.

…all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards…. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

We have to agree with Mr. Schwartz—masturbation’s pretty gay. You’re getting off by touching a guy’s dick and if you know how to jerk yourself, you’ve mastered about 25% of all gay sex. Though by our calculation, if masturbating to straight porn made you gay, it’d be a hell of a lot easier for us to find a date on Saturday night.
Of course, that’s not the case. Schwartz was playing the crowd at the 2009 Value Voters’ Summit, a gathering of racist, sexist, homophobic fuckwits frightened to death of feminism and jism, not to mention teh gays. But by trying to scare kids away from looking at straight porn, Schwartz is probably singlehandedly doing more to create a generation of gay men than any skin mag ever could. Thanks buddy!
Brilliant lesbian Rachel Maddow shakes her head at this shitbat and his racist cronies after the jump!