Surprise! Straight Porn Makes You Gay
They say that all the best men are either taken or gay. That's true, though we're still holding out on that other 90% of the male population to come around to our side. Well, according to Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, we'll only have to wait 7 years until 11-year-old straight porn lovers grow up to become full-fledged cocksuckers! Here's his quote made at the Value Voters Summit this weekend:
"it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that's because they don't want to be that way. They don't want to fall into it. And that's a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.
...all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.... And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he's going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I'm pretty sure he'll lose interest. That's the last thing he wants." You know, that's a, that's a good comment. It's a good point and it's a good thing to teach young people."
We have to agree with Mr. Schwartz—masturbation's pretty gay. You're getting off by touching a guy's dick and if you know how to jerk yourself, you've mastered about 25% of all gay sex. Though by our calculation, if masturbating to straight porn made you gay, it'd be a hell of a lot easier for us to find a date on Saturday night.
Of course, that's not the case. Schwartz was playing the crowd at the 2009 Value Voters' Summit, a gathering of racist, sexist, homophobic fuckwits frightened to death of feminism and jism, not to mention teh gays. But by trying to scare kids away from looking at straight porn, Schwartz is probably singlehandedly doing more to create a generation of gay men than any skin mag ever could. Thanks buddy!
Brilliant lesbian Rachel Maddow shakes her head at this shitbat and his racist cronies after the jump!
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Reader Comments
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ahhh, I love being from Oklahoma. :/
These are voters whose "values" run contrary to American ideals of freedom of speech and religion, and even basic democracy (they want a theocracy). I'm glad we have Rachel to call "b-s" on this anti-American nonsense dressed up in in moralizing, holier-than-thou rhetoric.
It's always interesting to think that there was some kind of thought process that brought this idiot to his idiotic conclusions. Meanwhile a bunch of people sit around nodding and uttering "amen."
"My dog is BROWN."
"SOME dogs are BROWN."
"My dog is SOME dog."
Yet, more lies and hysterics from the Republicans.
i loved it when rachel did this story last night!
Who goes out and gets PLAYBOY for an 11 year old? He spends too much time observing 11 year old boys...Hmmmm...waiting for the tree to fall..
You know, people really need to find other things to concern themselves with. The man who uttered this nonsense has probably gotten a hard on looking at the guys in porn rather than the females they're fucking. Everyone there at that "Values Voter's Summit" are supposed to be of like mind. Why, then, did he feel the need to even put that out there? He was probably talking about his OWN latent gayness.
So... then by his definition, wouldn't NOT watching porn, and being comfortable with homosexuality... end up making you straight? Probably not.
Mr Schwartz MUST be gay by now, because according to him all porn is gay and he must have been doing such extensive research on pornography and its ill effects ... all that exposure ... poor ex-straight man T_T
Dull and shallow just like his name... BLUNT. Yeah... think about that... I just realized that it is a bunch of BULL. If people have an ounce of brain, they would know it is just plain stupid and insensitive. I can't believe the great country of the world still govern by such ignorant people. How about blaming themselves because of all that is happening instead of targeting the homos.
If it were true that watching porn internalized your sexual drive, wouldn't it lead to self love versus homosexual or heterosexual love. We're going to raise an entire breed of autosexuals.