SEXPOSED! We Discover Tommy D’s Last Name!

Tommy D’s been heating up QC for a while with his beautiful blonde face, boyish smile, big cock, and bubble butt. But throughout the years we’ve always wondered, just what the heck is Tommy D’s last name? After some research, we came up with 3 pretty good leads.

DESSERT: Actually, before we get to our good guesses, we wanted to eliminate this one dumb one. Yes, he’s sweet and known for serving up dollops of cream, but we seriously doubt anyone has “Dessert” as a family name—not even a family full of porn stars. That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t like going face down in his pie though. Forget the napkin! His spread would have us going back for seconds and fourths and eighths.

DILLINGER: Could Tommy D be related to famous American gangster, John Dillinger? Let’s look at the evidence: they both have the same eyebrows, eye shape, and devilish smirk. Also, John supposedly had a huge cock that the Smithsonian Institute put in a formaldehyde jar and J. Edgar Hoover kept on his desk. We’re sure John Dillinger held up more than just banks with his sizable firearm. Likewise, we’ve seen Tommy D steal quite a few holes with his double-barreled piece, though when he enters their banks, it’s usually to make a deposit.
See our two other possibilities, including our definitive answer, after the jump!

DICKSON: Maybe it’s Tommy D’s amazing bone structure or the fact that he can make jerking off on a futon look so glamorous. But would anyone really be surprised if he turned out to be the illegitimate lovechild of 80’s fashion blowhard, Brenda Dickso?. They both have immaculate pores, an unmovable smile, and a natural glow that only comes from nonstop Korean skin treatments. Plus, though many others may try, neither can be imitated (ka-kaw!).

WHORE BATH: Watch this video to see what the hell we’re talking about. Then look us in the eye and say that Tommy D didn’t drop out of Brenda Dickson’s hairy mooseknuckle. You won’t be able to.

DIGGLER: Despite all our guesses, there’s only one possibility for Tommy D’s last name that really makes sense, so we’re putting all our money on Diggler. You remember Dirk Diggler the legendary 70’s era porn star Mark Wahlberg portrayed in Boogie Nights. Both he and Tommy D sport long hair from time to time, have amazing butts and buff bodies, and can really serve up a deep-dickin, keeping a stiffy for a looooooong time. Sure Dirk’s a fictional character, but porn’s all about fantasy anyway. And even though Dirk’s from the 70’s, his and Tommy D’s good looks never go out of style.