Ask QC: When Should I Admit I’m HIV+?

I got HIV when I was 23 and I’m never sure when to tell someone I wanna sleep with that I’m positive—both online and in person.

I don’t have my HIV status listed on my personal profiles, but I’ll be honest about it if someone asks. I do this so that someone will get to know me first before excluding me. After all, I’m more than just HIV-positive; I’m also cool, friendly and funny. The problem is that not all guys ask and I’m never sure when to bring it up, though I’m pretty sure it’s not in the bedroom.

My friends all disagree about when the right time to tell someone is. Some even say that you don’t have to tell a guy at all as long as you’re only doing low-risk sexual activities. But I don’t feel at all comfortable with that. Am I being too cautious?

Do I need to put it out there first thing when meeting a guy or is it OK to wait? I don’t want to be sneaky or a liar, but I also want a guy to like me for me and not be afraid.

Thanks,

Oliver

Anyone who’s HIV-positive knows that disclosing your status can be like coming out all over again. But Oliver’s right, every guy seems to have different guidelines about when to tell someone. We agree that honesty’s the best policy, but when’s the best time to speak up? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments.
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