Ask QC: Am I A Sexual Addict?

I love your website and I usually look at it along with some other gay porn sites I like to jerk off before bed every night. I have recently joined a gay personals site meant for hooking up and I now have men I can sleep with in any major US city I visit. I sleep with gay friends that I’ve had for years, I sleep with strangers I meet off the web, I am currently sleeping with about 3 different men in the city where I live on a regular basis.

I grew up in a real strict religious household that taught me that gay love is evil. I have also always been in long-term monogamous relationships for most of my life. It’s just that I found that monogamy might not be right for me because I was always thinking about sleeping with other people. And now the number of men I have slept with over my entire life has gotta be getting up to the hundreds. A.D.I.D.A.S.—All Day I Dream About Sex. When I go to bars, parties, and the grocery store, I totally scope out all the guys and think about all the horribly wonderful things I want to do to them. I’ve even slept with guys I’m not totally attracted to because just because they’re sweet or nice.

I know there’s nothing wrong with a healthy sex drive, but sometimes I wonder if I have a problem. I mean, I’ve held down a full-time job for a long time and I have great relationships with my friends and family. I can also meet gay guys and not want to sleep with them. I always play safe and I’m up front with the men I’m seeing that I’m also sleeping with others, but sometimes I wonder when enough is enough. I was abused as a kid and have never been very confident. I think I sometimes sleep with gay guys I meet instead of just relaxing and being myself and actually getting to know them. And while I love the sex, I’m worried it might prevent me from meeting someone I can spend my life with. Or maybe not…there are guys in open relationships who fuck around and still love each other. I dunno. But am I a sex addict?

From everything I’ve read, I don’t think I’m as bad as some other guys who cheat on their lovers and fuck themselves out of a career and catch diseases because they just can’t keep their pants on. But at the same time, my sexual desire does feel a bit compulsive. I would rather be fucking than not and I’m always on the prowl, it seems. But does that make me an addict or just a guy with a healthy sex drive? Should I find a group or slow myself down?

There’s nothing wrong with a healthy sex-drive. But at the same time, if this fella’s writing into Ask QC, he must find something a bit off with the way he’s conducting himself. Sex addiction can be complicated, there are often lots of reasons people feel compelled to have sex and some people even think “sexual addiction” is just a label to stigmatize sexual liberation. We also have gay friends who have hooked up with literally hundreds of guys, but they’re at least slutty, if not “addickted.” So what do you think? Has our writer got a problem or is he just feeling weird about his newfound sexual freedom? Should he join a group and if he does, what sorts of questions might he ask himself to figure out if he is or isn’t? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments.
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