John Mayer And Perez Hilton Sitting In Tree… S-U-C-K-I-N-Gay
Musician John Mayer seems to be on a self-destruction tour of some sort. He recently had an interview with Playboy magazine in which he used the F and N words and called his dick a “white supremacist” in terms of its taste for white women. It’s a shame because he’s a cute and pretty talented guy.
So allow us to lower your opinion of him even further with this tasty poop tart: he once kissed gay gossip columnist, Perez Hilton, and apparently admitted to Hilton that he’d once had a cock in his mouth. Perez reports:
The douchebag singer and Perez have had a secret (until now) text and email relationship (nothing sexual) for quite some time now.
Mayer invited us over to his NYC apartment – at 2 AM! – to “listen” to some tracks off his new album. We went – and arrived at 3 AM with three friends, who can verify that this indeed happened.
Over the course of the next five hours, Mayer and Perez pretty much ignored everyone else in the room and engaged in a heated non-stop conversation, the highlight of which was John confronting Perez about whether or not we really think he’s gay.
It went like this:
John: “You think I’m gay don’t you?”
Perez: “Yes.”
John: “I’m not.”
Perez: “Have you ever had a penis in your mouth?”
John: “Yes.”
Perez: “Your’e gay!”
Mayer has already admitted to making out with Perez. Hopefully one day soon he will admit he’s had a penis in his mouth too!
P.S. We’ll happily take another lie detector test to prove all this is true!
So Mayer sucked cock once. Join the club, Mayer. However, we hate to inform you that sucking a cock does not in fact make you gay. Some of the guys on Team Orange have (gasp!) actually slept with women and even (eek!) eaten pussy! We were younger then and majoring in philosophy, so we didn’t know any better. And yet those guys are still gayer than Christmas.
So you can put away the lie detector, Perez. Even if it’s true, it doesn’t mean a thing other than John Mayer’s kinda slutty. And is it any wonder? What sort of self-respecting person invites the Terror Bear over for a listening party at 3am? The same sort of man who would kiss a guy like he “hated fags.” Here’s John describing the kiss in his own words:
The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica [Simpson] at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody–almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.
Sigh… we used to like John Mayer because he covered Radiohead’s Kid A but now we’re considering setting all our Mayer CDs aflame because he made out with the human equivalent of Fun Dip. It actually makes us a bit jealous and nauseous at the same time. Why him, John, and not us? Oh well, considering his downward spiral, it sounds like John and Perez probably deserve each other. We hope they’re happy this Valentine’s Day. Maybe they’ll even make it to 2nd or 3rd base!
