Ask QC: I Go Soft Every Time I Try To Top

Hi QC,

I’m a guy in his mid-20’s who have just came out less than a year ago. I’m currently with my first boyfriend for 6 months and my only sexual experiences are with him. I’ve always been the bottom because he’s a top. He has only tried bottoming once in his life and according to him, it hurts and he bled the first time which was a couple of years back.

We have always discussed about me topping him and although he’s reluctant at first, he said he’s willing to try again. The problem is, everytime I try to penetrate him, I go soft. I can have boner during foreplay, blow job and even when he’s fucking me. I just don’t understand why I go limp as I am very much in love/interested with him.

According to my boyfriend, he said I was too nervous but we have been trying for at least 5 times, am I still nervous? He has been doing all he can to get me hard again but I was just not able to maintain it until the crucial penetration moment. There was a time, he was fucking me, while I have a raging hard on, he pulls out and puts on a condom on me. He laid down and ask me to penetrate him but I go limp AGAIN!

I really wanted to top him as my sexual urges tells me, but I’m not able to. It’s frustrating, not only because I can’t fuck but also because I’m disappointing my boyfriend. I’ve always thought topping is easy as it’s natural for a guy to fuck and bottoming was hard as it’s painful. But it appears bottoming was much easier because you dont have to deal with the frustration of not being to get hard and fuck.

I’m not on any medication and do not have any significant health problems. Can anyone tell me what’s going on and what I can do about it? I would prefer not to take drugs (i.e. viagra).

Thanks.

We’ve had at least one other advice-seeker who had trouble topping his lover. That time, most readers advised him to get a cockring, but only one advised him to take a closer look at his personal anxieties. It sounds like today’s advice seeker has more of a psychological issue rather than physical one, so what’s to be done? Going limp can compound itself if it becomes all a guy thinks about. But trying not to think about it is like saying, “Don’t think about pink elephants.” So what’s a guy to do?! How can our advice-seeker unite this problematic knot and end up on top? Please share your advice and experiences in the QComments.
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