So What’s In Johnny Hazzard’s HAZ*MAT Clothing Line Anyway?
Channel 1 Releasing exclusive Johnny Hazzard premiered his new clothing line HAZ*MAT, last night. It’s a men’s fashion line with one-of-a-kind pieces designed by the Hazzman himself. We’ll post pictures just as soon as we have them, but until then we wondered, “What sort of clothes would Johnny design?” Probably clothes that he would wear himself, of course. And so with that, we made four educated guesses on styles he’d probably promote (for comfort and easy access).
Surely Hazzard would want to have trousers in his fashion line. After all, even porn stars can’t walk around with their dicks hanging out all the time. But Hazzard knows a man’s slacks must be formal enough for business and comfortable enough for pleasure, especially when pleasure is your business. That’s why his patented “Action Slaxxx” come with an easy-to-undo fly that’ll make sure everyone knows you have balls when the time cums (on your face).
Whether you’re a lesbian or just a butch guy, sleeveless button-up shirts are great for funerals and summer mixers alike. Johnny’s line will come in several modest prints that won’t detract from the infinitely more beautiful tattoos on your arms. After all, people aren’t just interested in your clothes, but the whole package.
Johnny loves waves pounding the surf, so there’s beachwear in his fashion line. The tag line is: “It’s beach wear, not bitch wear.” So forget those neon-colored banana hammocks. A real man doesn’t have to advertise what they’re packing. He keeps it classy in tiger and leopard prints and open-front cabana shirts that’ll look great with the 20 gold chains you’ll plan on wearing to the beach.
We already know how handy Johnny is, especially in the kitchen. But he realizes that cooking isn’t just for women, but for anyone who likes to turn up the heat. That’s why he’ll present a unisex “home collection” of aprons that’ll keep you from getting too messy up front and yet show off the buns you have warming in the back. Hungry anyone?
