What Other Italian Cinema Classics Should Michael Lucas Turn Into Gay FuckSmut?

In case you hadn’t heard, Lucas Entertainment recently won a lawsuit against International Media Films (IMF) for the right to use the title “La Dolce Vita” as one of their porn titles. You see, Italian director Federico Fellini directed “La Dolce Vita” in 1960 and Lucas liked the film so much that he made a porn homage to it using the same name in 2006. IMF claimed they owned the copyright, but the judge said they failed to prove that. So in true Michael Lucas style, he released the following press statement:

“I’m proud that my company won a case of such magnitude. We believed strongly that we hadn’t done anything wrong even before we learned, through the meticulous, extensive and expensive fieldwork of our lawyers, that IMF doesn’t even own the movie it went to court over. Of course I can only guess at my opponents’ motivations, but if they thought that they could get a quick payday by walking all over a porn company, they were sorely mistaken. I am very proud that my company had the professionalism, the quality legal advice and the financial resources to stand up to this bullying.”

Now that that’s all settled, Lucas is free to film porn re-makes of any Fellini film he wants. So to help out our ol’ buddy, we’ve decided to recommend which Fellini classics he should re-make next. Luckily, most of Fellini’s films had lots of sex in them anyway, so by adding naked actors and some gay sex—PRESTO! An instant gay porn classic! We’ve even suggested alternate plotlines and actors so all Mr. Lucas has to do is hit record and watch the Lira roll in!

8½: Finally, a star vehicle for Michael Lucas! The cocky director would be great as Guido Anselmi, the director with a creative block who decides to make his next film about all the people he’s ever fucked: his spouse, his actor, his prostitute, his crazy ex, and his piece of ass on the side. In short, the film would be very much like Lucas’ real life—only much shorter and without all the bitchy press.
8½ INCHES: Michael Lucas plays himself, a director who longs for for a better sex life and a great idea for his next porno. He decides to make a porno about himself making a porno (how meta). In the meanwhile, he fucks a bunch of hot men in search of an 8.5 inch muse who can satisfy both his creative and carnal needs.
A semi-autobiographical movie would be not good if it left us semi-hard. So we’re matching Lucas up with all the hottest men he’s ever fucked—such as Lucky Daniels (the prostitute) , Wilfried Knight (the actor), Blu Kennedy (his piece of ass on the side), and Jonathan Agassi (his spouse). We know some of the cast would object to being in a movie with a title that’s… ahem… “beneath them”, but they’ll really have to work their asses off to prove that they measure up to the action.
And just for fun, why don’t we throw in 2 Jacks: big-dicked baddie Jack Simmons and Jack Ryan (because he’s hot), as well as top vers stud Carlos Caballero and Arpad Miklos as Lucas’ horny production assistant. With all these hot men and big dicks swinging around, we can’t wait until the big orgy scene at the end when all the people and players from Lucas’s life gather for a grand finale!

SATYRICON: Once declared “the most profoundly homosexual movie in all history,” Satyricon was made in ’69 (eheh) and is a non-stop Roman orgy of mansex and bloodlust. Men marry, wrestle, fuck in theaters, cover each other in gizzards and gravy, and even visit an island of prostitutes. If made properly, it could be the most assmazingly cumtastic gay fuckflick of all time.
SATYRICOCK: When we think ancient Rome, we think of two things: burly gladiators and twinkish boy-slaves. And with so much non-stop fucking going around in the film, this is really Lucas’ chance to pull out all the hot men and boys in his stable who haven’t yet hit the big time!
We’re thinking Brendon Williams, Manuel Torres, and Buck Monroe would all make great gladiators. Hung, chiseled vers-top stud, Johnny Morelli, could be their lead trainer (he could certainly work us over anyday). As for the nubile sex slaves, Jack MacCarthy, Dani Eitan, Ron Atias, and Damion would willingly carry out whatever sexual demands the Romans demand for their pleasure, we’re sure!
Plus, it’d be double-hot (in a gross kinda way) if the models were all a bit drunk for the final orgy. Not so drunk that they go limp, but drunk enough to become more aggressive, mouthy, and whorish. We’d pull out our swords out and cheer them all on for more! Eight hundred thumbs up (our butts)!

CASSANOVA: Giacomo Casanova has a historic reputation as 18th century Europe’s pimpiest power top—and what better movie to pornify than the story about the world’s greatest male lover? But Fellini’s Casanova is no gentleman, he’s a degenerate incapable of any true emotion (in short, the perfect fuckslut). He defiles a fake nun for a voyeur in Venice, tries to fuck a woman into a man with his penis in Paris, and gets beaten by two fatties and a dwarf in Dresden. A perfect film for power-fucking fans and fetishists alike!
ASSANOVA: If you’re looking for a degenerate, who better than Diesel Washington? After all, he pissed on an unexpecting crowd of dancers at the most recent Black Party. Plus, it’d be hot to see a stud of color as a Lucas Entertainment hero. But if he’s gonna play “Assanova,” we’re afraid he’s gonna have to bottom. Don’t worry, we’re sure Diesel can take it. And he’s sure to make literal buttloads of money bottoming first for Lucas.
While we’re at it, let’s throw in some other dark-skinned hotties like Isaiah Foxx, Treshawn Valentino, and Scott Alexander. And this is Italy, so how about some stallions with Italian-sounding names like Marco di Lucca, Renato Belaggio, and Martin Passoli? Mmm… is anybody else getting hungry for Cannoli?
Sadly, Lucas’ stable lacks a dwarf or “fatties”, but we think dressing up one of his men as a nun and watching one get fucked into another gender would be mega-super-amazeballs-hot! Flirting with tranny action… que scandalous!