The Shake Weight: All The Benefits Of Masturbation Without Any Of The Messy Ejaculate

You think we’re just a porn site, but little did you know that our jerk-off material’s giving you the most intense upper body workout you’ve ever had. Don’t believe us? Then just check out this ad for the Shake Weight. “Its piston-like motion sends a shockwave of energy that forces your muscles to contract as many as 240 per minute. So you build definition, size, and strength…” Going by that rationale, you should have forearms of steel by this point and a penis that’s darker than night from all that intense rubbing.
Plus, the Shake Weight comes with “an Iron Clad Kick Butt Guarantee.” Umm, who are they marketing to? Frat boys, Maxim readers, and fans of The Man Show DVD collection? You should stick with our Iron Clad Big-dicked Guarantee instead. You’re sure to lose at least a few calories and about a teaspoon worth of jism every time you work out with the QueerClick Masturbeight Weight (lube and wet naps not included).