Ask QC: Do I Stay with My Husband of 20 Years?

Dear Ask QC,

My husband and I have been together for 20 years, granted the first three years were rocky. We broke up and got back together 3 different times. Anyway, within the last 5 years his urge to have sex went to almost zero (once a year). He claims that he felt unattractive due to his weight. I was constantly asking to have sex, willing to do anything so that we could get back on track. I thought perhaps it was an age thing, he is 12 years older than me, he is 55. I thought his sex drive had slowed down to almost zero.

BUT within the last six months he asked me to update the music on his phone and when I plugged it in it uploaded a picture of some guys cock. My husband told me it was his friend and that he sent it to him without any provocation from my husband….

Then four months later I set up an iMessenger account, just cause it would allow free texting between us. Well, I get a text that was 2 months old that my husband had sent his ex about how he wanted to double fuck a fleshlight with him… according to him that’s just the way they talk and nothing happened…

So with all this in mind, I reached out to a mutual friend of ours and asked him if he knew of anything going on. He quickly went to my husband and told him that I was asking questions behind his back. That’s when my husband decided to tell me that he and the mutual friend had sex during one of our breakups early on in our relationship…

My heart wants to believe him, my gut says run for the hills, and my head just keeps spinning. The thing is, I still love him. I did give him the opportunity to leave, he wants to stay. We have built a great family together. I just don’t know if it’s enough…

Thanks,

J

Hi J. Thank you so much for your question and concerns. This is a tough situation, not least of which because you guys have been together for so long and your lives have become so intertwined. What do you think, QCers? Can you guys help J out? Should he stay with his husband, or is it time to run for the hills?
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