Who knew that Terry Crews from TV’s Everybody Hates Chris was so fucking ripped? He’s like mad crazy shredded and this commercial also makes it seem like he’s on some hardcore crazy pills. He won’t even let the goddamned commercial end. Before you know it, he starts hallucinating in the shower and breaking all sorts of shit. And why are we bitches cussing so much in this post? The Old Spice craziness must be spreading!
The last time we hung with our Sassy Gay Friendhe kept Hamlet’s Ophelia from drowning herself. But a gayngel’s work is never done, sweeties. Billy Shakesqueer wrote lots of damaged women in need of some serious self-esteem, so our Sassy Gay Friend had better shake his ass if he wants to save some bitches.
This time, it’s Juliet and Desdemona. If you recall, Juliet stabs herself in the heart (what a drama queen) and Desdemona gets smothered to death by her jealous lover, Othello (talk about being selfish in bed). Tragic, yes? Not if Sassy Gay Friend has anything to say about it. Put down that knife and get out of bed! These Saketinis aren’t gonna drink themselves!
Perhaps you have heard of this list containing the 90 types of bitches… it’s like the Dead Sea Scrolls of our generation:
[A blogger’s] cousin found the list on the floor of the third-grade classroom in a DC charter school. The title is “Types of Bitches.” It’s a taxonomy of 90 different “types of bitches,” in hilarious detail. She scanned it and sent it along.
It’s important that we have a bitch “taxonomy” so we might better understand this majestic creature and study it in its natural habitat. You can view the list for yourself at the link above—it’s even funnier in it’s original penmanship and it’s even better imagining a 3rd grader ignoring his math lesson to write down the 90 types of bitches. But for those of you who hate reading handwriting, we’ve transcribed the list for you below. Which kind of bitch are you?
1) Dirty dumb ass bitches
2) Aint got no ass bitches
3) Dusty trick bitches
4) Fishy bitches
5) Don’t know how to fight bitches
6) Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
7) Ugly looking bitch that think they all that
8) Can’t keep a man bitch
9) Track wearing bitches
10) Bitches that be trying to steal your man
11) Hoochie looking bitches
12) Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
13) Stupid bitches that act dumb
14) Bitches who can only get a dirty boy
15) Want to be jocking bitches
16) Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone
17) Bitches who think they better than me
18) Instigating bitches
19) Talking behind your back bitches
20) Loud mouth bitches
21) Pissy bitches
22) Stingy bitches
23) Funky looking bitches
24) Short hair bitches
25) Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair
26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you
27) Staring in your face bitches
28) Big eyed looking bitches
29) Crazy bitches
30) Nappy tender headed bitches
31) Booty shorts wearing bitches
32) Coast-signing bitches
33) Dick riding bitches
34) Whipped bitches
35) Buck tooth bitches
36) Cheesy teeth bitches
37) Same wearing clothes each day bitches
38) Ghetto bitches
39) Hair dyeing bitches
40) Wearing shoes that be talking bitches
41) Bitches who think they hard
42) Bitches that think they get money
43) Bitches that go to a dirty school
Sadly, the page containing 44 – 58 is missing… we assume it’s because it was simply too awesome to leave laying on the floor of a 3rd game classroom. Nevertheless, the parade of bitches continues.
59) Gay bitches
60) Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches
61) Tomboy bitches
62) Stain on your pants bitches
63) Dry scalp dandruff bitches
64) Dirty hair bitches
65) Stealing bitches
66) Stinky feet bitches
67) Big gap bitches
68) Protecting their store bitches
69) Pajamas outside bitches
70) Ragly braid bitches
71) Stanky butt bitches
72) Greedy bitches
73) Slimy grimy bitches
74) Psycho bitches
75) Drug dealing bitches
76) Geekin’ bitches
77) Suntanning bitches
78) Goofy looking bitches
79) Triflin’ bitches
80) Skanky bitches
81) Mugging bitches
82) Sloppy bitches
83) Dirty fingernails bitches
84) Dirty sock wearing bitches
85) Uncreative bitches
86) White bitches that think black people poor
87) Conceited bitches
88) Tall bitches
89) Short bitches
90) Jealous bitches Personally, we like the “stanky fish smelling coochie” bitches and “wearing shoes that be talking bitches” (which refers to bitches who wear shoes where the front sole has come loose or unglued, making it look like a talking mouth). Whoever these third grade kids were, we hope they’re in the talented and gifted program because a list like this deserves a MacArthur genius grant or some shit.
Ever since seeing the Fully Sick Rapper’s Quarantine video, we’ve kinda fallen in love with the tuberculoid cutie from Australia. If you recall, he’s been diagnosed with a serious form of Tuberculosis and has been in hospital quarantine since the 18th of January.
The rap video he made got up to 267,600 views and we’d like to think that QC’s at least a smidgen responsible. Now he’s back and he wants you to check out his quarantine crib—it’s mad sick, yo! There’s a pool, a walk-in wardrobe, a bed with a racing stripe, and he’s even installed an adjustable, overhead light for getting freaky deaky. Only thing is… it’s been a while since he’s had any visitors, so he may not be very eager to let you go.
He’s also got a new rap called “Germaphobe,” in which he recounts the unending challenges of protecting his compromised immune system. In the video, he strips down to his undies and dances naked in the shower. It’s all quite adorable, if you can stand a little puke, cross dressing, and diarrhea. Love’s messy sometimes.
After seeing his first video, a QC reader sent us this e-mail:
I noticed your post of the Fully Sick Rapper, Christiaan Van Vurren “Life in Quarantine” and the YouTube link to his rap song about having TB. I think it’s great that you posted his video. I also noticed something.
The number of views of his video as of Feb 28, Sunday morning, 10:00 am EST stood at 44,500 views. As of this afternoon, Monday at 2:00 pm (March 1), the number has jumped to 71,013. This all occurred in about 24 hours.
Perhaps this little push from QueerClick helped make this guy a rising star. I hope so. Perhaps if he gets more hits, advertisers will go to his video and offer him money. This might help with his medical bills. In any case, it’s nice to see QueerClick promoting this very talented, sexy guy. Does he even know he’s listed on QueerClick? I wonder if it bothers him?
We’re not sure if he’s up for full-tilt stardom, but we do like the idea that he might get some help and recognition for making such wonderful videos! In the meanwhile, we’re still sending him much love and good wishes his way for a full recovery! If you like his work, you should let him know by posting a comment on his YouTube page… and tell him QC sent ya!
We’ve already discussed “gayngels” before; they’re the upbeat gay friends who save clueless straights from their own grief using some humor, dancing, and fabulous clothing. But this time, it’s Ophelia, Hamlet’s tragic lover, who needs some help… and we all know how she ended up (glug, glug, glug…). DON’T DO IT, GURL! Thankfully she has a Sassy Gay Friend to save her dumb ass this time around. Otherwise, she’d end up wetter than a gangbang bottom. PHEW, CRISIS AVERTED! Now that she’s been rescued, she can dump Hamlet and go for a real man… like Fortinbras.
Hey folks, it’s me, QC’s cocky pal, Chinpoko! Sex is a lot like whistling… we all make weird faces and noises while doing it, but each person does it their own way. So I wanna know how you do the dirty deed!
Every week, I’ll ask a different question and leave the poll and QComments open so you can share your sexperiences! Some weeks, I may even throw in a bonus prize for the best response—PATA, PATA, PATA!!! So without further adieu… here’s our first question:
They say laughter’s the best medicine (cliches are hawt!) but sometimes it’s the only thing separating you from the looney bin. Take the Fully Sick Rapper for example. He’s got tuberculosis, which sucks balls (and not in a good way). It’s contagious and could kill you, so the poor guy’s been put in quarantine for a long time and he made a video about it (above). Here’s what he says about it on his YouTube page:
I was eventually let out of hospital on the 2nd Jan, but then brought back in on the 18th Jan and diagnosed with a more serious form of TB… As a result, I have been back in quarantine since the 18th Jan, and all up now I have spent 55 days on the inside of a single room in hospital… This is starting to take it’s toll on my mental stability, and this song is about the impact (or lack thereof) it has had so far.
Even though the bloke’s sick, he’s still got a sense of humor and there’s nothing more attractive than that. Unless you count exercising shirtless, masticating to porn, and busting out sweet rhymes, in which case, HE DOES THAT TOO! We kinda fell in love with him after seeing this video and he hopes you like it as well:
I am trying my best to be creative in a time that has been pretty hard on me, and this is a way to share it with people… Please don’t cyber-bully me. I’ve read stories about that, and it sounds really horrible. The way you can’t escape it because it’s online. If you ARE a cyber-bully, and were thinking of Cyber-bullying me, then discretely send me your bank details and I’ll wire you some of my lunch money… That way everybody wins. I don’t look like a push over, and you get your lunch money… I’ve got street credibility to uphold within the hip hop.
Get well soon, Fully Sick Rapper!
Thanks to Towleroad for the tip!
If your parents ever told you not to smoke, they probably didn’t specify whether they meant cigarettes or cock. Maybe they meant both, maybe they just meant marijuana. Who knows? Either way, a new French non-smoking ad campaign is making our lips hungry for cigarettes and cock. There’s even a parental figure to help out.
The ad features two doe-eyed youngsters who look like they just got done at QC Twinks, about to get face-fucked by a big tobacco CEO with a skinny, white, filtered dick. The ad reads, “Smoking makes you a slave to tobacco.” Now, we’re all for consensual skull-rapings, but we’re afraid these ads might send the wrong message.
First off, non-French speakers might think it’s an anti-blowjob campaign (“Les bleauxjobs est more dangereux than la cigarettes”). Or it might turn gay French teens (is that redundant?) onto smoking. After all, how many times have you reached for a fag and thought, “But what I really want is a blowjob”? Especially a blowjob from a twink… they’re so eager to please.
But the French are sadly behind the trend this time around. The American satirical news syndicate, The Onion, already mocked up a campaign about how smoking makes you gay and it has us reaching for our pockets… though not in search of lighters.
Admittedly we haven’t been keeping up with the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Repeal proceedings in the U.S. because politics are a real boner killer. But when Bryan Safi from Current TV’s InfoMania is covering it, we’re all over that like crabs in a foxhole! Bryan’s covered some other hot-button gay pop issues, like the Gayngels phenomenon and “No Homo” disclaimer in hip-hop. And in this segment, he reveals the real reason folks don’t want to let homos in the army… they’re afraid of the gay penis.
And who can blame them? After seeing what gay soldiers do in Active Duty and Military Classified, letting ‘mos into the army will ensure that it’ll turn into a non-stop, international suck and circle jerk… NOT. Safi perhaps puts it best when he asks, “Why go to a gay bar on log onto Manhunt.com when you can fly to Afghanistan and risk your life just to sneak a peek at a straight dude’s dong?”
For all you boys who’ve ever aspired to be a professional stripper, S&M dungeon master, or drag performer, sexy friends Rob Easton and Sean Horlor are gonna show you how it’s done. Their show, s Don’t Quit Your Gay Job, features the boys learning various “gay jobs” and competing to see which one of them does it better.
In the above clip for the drag performer episode, Easton and Horlor hide their junk by tucking it between their buttcheeks! Horlor definitely does the better job. For one, Easton’s wearing what appears to be an older ladies’ extra-absorbent diaper and for two, his dick’s apparently too big to hide. Tucking it only ends up giving him a horrible case of moose-knuckle.
But the fun doesn’t stop there! They also try their hand at becoming bus drivers and yet again, Horlor shows Easton up by making a more convincing woman.
Luckily, most of the gay jobs require them to strip down to their underwear, so Don’t Quit Your Gay Job should make good viewing, if only to see its hosts nearly nude. They even have a season finale that stars Reese Rideout. Does that mean that they’re gonna try their hand as porn stars?! Hot damn! Let’s hope so. You may be interested to know that the co-hosts used to date. Maybe the onscreen competition will re-ignite their old spark! Watch and see!
You may have heard about the dumb Super Bowl ad that CBS rejected because it was too gay… or something. Well, that ad was for a gay hookup site, but apparently it wasn’t the only M4M site CBS rejected. National Lampoon brought this homoerotic nugget to light. It’s a commercial for BroHarmony.com, a site dedicated to bringing guys together so they can y’know… paint each others bodies, dress up as Roman guards (like Jason Adonis), go shopping together, and… um, beat up queers. Most guys on hook-up sites say they’re OK with just being friends anyway, but the guys on Bro Harmony actually mean it… at least, we think they do… right?
We already knew that Jeremy Bilding’s fine ass was versatile, but we had no idea how versatile his dick was as well! In this funny video short that’s sure to make you smile, Jeremy Bilding shows you the full range of dramatic contributions a cock can add to any film, porn or otherwise. His bulge really runs the gamut and makes us think of all the other actors whose penises we’d love to see up close on the big screen. Someone give this cock an Oscar for such an upstanding performance!
We’ll save you some time and answer the question with a solid NO, NOT AT ALL. This hilarious comedy short considers just how women would act if they were as depraved and horny as most men. And even though it features (eww) women and dripping wet pussies, it’s worth enduring if only to make it strip bar scene at 2:35 full of men dancing in their tighty-whiteys. Plus there’s a priceless money shot at 3:58. Genius!
It’s been raining weathermen lately here at QC. First, we had hunky BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker posing half-naked on the cover of a gay mag. And now we have Pete Bouchard. No, he’s not nearly as sexy as Schafernaked, but he’s got something else going for him. Namely, he’s predicting a heavy 9 inches tonight and it may be more than you can handle. You better get your blankets ready because it’s gonna be a long night!
Also, we’d like to mention that this video has been removed from almost every other site that originally featured it. Which means that QC’s the only place you can get Bouchard’s 9 inches. Lucky you.
